Super Premium Vanilla seeks Decadent Flavored Swirl

Nobody does a weird metaphor better than I do (permalink).

Indulge yourself in my creamy decadence. Savor the sweet without the sacrifice and enjoy it all knowing there's no sugar added! It's a situation fraught with joyosity when flavors mix and melt together and that's what I'm searching to do with you...your flavors twist and swirl around my vanilla base...caressing me with your coffee fudge, strawberry, or hazelnut swirl. Raspberry or double vanilla also ok... you know what I am about...we're both looking for a long term relationship and the passion between us finds you on top again and again.

I'm a romantic at heart... how about you? And I'm only 3 net carbs...what about you?

DC Conservatives Spoil Max Thrust's "Wow" Moment

Earlier today I was at the Grooming Lounge. Ultimate facial including lymphatic drainage, a collagen mask, an eye treatment and a hot/cold facial massage. Brazilian wax for my upcoming trip to Cabo. Age defying exfoliation for my feet. I’m Max Thrust. Lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition.

I’m feeling good about myself. It’s casual Tuesday for me again so I’m wearing my Jasper Conrad pants, jacket, and tie ($855, $332, and $138 respectively); my shirt is Lorenzini ($275), and my shoes and pocket square are by Salvatore Ferragamo ($725 and $70). My Jasper Conrad pants are down around my ankles and I’ve got our blonde intern from California bent over my mahogany desk. I’m smoking a Ramon Allones Tubo while I’m giving her dictation.

I’m swirling my penis inside of her 20-yr old vagina from behind as we are putting together a memo on the S. 49, the Barely Legal Protection Act. I believe I’d mentioned something about this Senate gambit that will talk money out of the pockets of my clients in the San Fernando Valley, and by extension me, as well as those young women coming out West to become famous actresses.

For some reason or another, the Senate hopes to prevent the offering of dirty pictures where the model or actress appears to be younger than she's supposed to be and thus making men's blood boil in extreme dirtiness. Just as I am having my “wow” moment, I start thinking, “when did DC become so conservative?”

Max Thrust gets a new client

The Big Mouthfuls of America Association, or BMAA, just recently joined the Free Speech Coalition in order that yours truly would lobby on issues relating to a reauthorization of an Act to limit the size of mouthfuls that these enterprising young women are allowed to accept. It’s popularly called the “I Promise I Won’t Come in Your Mouth Too Much” Act. I’m Max Thrust. Lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition.

This is a case, at least in my opinion, where Congress is overreaching. With all the talk about banning transfats and complaining that kids are getting too fat because of what they are putting in their mouths, etc., I guess you are starting to see a pattern. What these women are ingesting, or letting drip down their chins, is high in protein and low in calories. And we all know that protein is essential for muscle growth and when consumed breaks down into amino acids which are the building blocks of the body. Without protein, your hair could fall out, your fingernails could crumble, and your muscles could deteriorate into, well, mush. Also ingesting protein will help you lose weight.

So, anyway, the other night I’m swirling my penis inside this woman’s vagina in the men’s room at Morton’s. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Ok, so I notice this young woman at the bar in Morton’s checking me out. I walk up to her and ask her if she’d like to join me in the bathroom so that I can swirl my penis inside her vagina. She says, “I’d very much like you to swirl your penis inside my vagina.” So we go to the bathroom. After I’m swirling it around a bunch, I tell her, “Hey, I’m about to have my "happy fun" moment. My man juice is made of protein. It’s good for losing weight. You’re kinda fat. Can I swirl my penis in your mouth for a bit?”

Then something happens. She gets all made about something and I don’t get to finish. As a result I’m very horny. And as always, my blackberry is on...

Max Thrust....and naked pictures...

My bedroom? 9,200-Thread-Count 100% Cotton sheets by Armani. Cream colored to avoid potential "staining" when I am actually entertaining a georgetown co-ed over at my well-appointed condo. Usually I do my business in the bathrooms of the various DC neighborhood bars with many an eager mouth. Me? Max Thrust. Lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition. My recent problem? Naked pictures.

Naked pictures posted on the Internet of an aide to Missouri Gov. Tad Clunt (R) to be exact. Son of House Minority Whip Goy Clunt (R), are proving fodder for a bare-knuckles political spat.

The state Republican Party is blaming Democrats for sharing the pictures — which apparently were stolen from the aide’s computer — with the media. When I spoke to another lobbyist, Frank L. Dudd, he said that “This does nothing to further political discourse and has no place in Missouri politics. We have actively discouraged the press from reporting on this.”

OK, the political back-and-forth may be interesting, but the pictures, you ask, what about the pictures? Turns out, they’re not as titillating as you’d think for all the fuss. Or at least in DC. There is no good place to insert "bend-over boyfriend" in this post is there? As always, my blackberry is on...

He gets letters:

"Are u sure ur sheets r 9.200 thread count? U might mean 900? I never heard of 9.200 thread count, but then again, u could have some absolutely amazing sheets? I luv great sheets, just bought 1,000 thread count sheets last weekend, they look great. So what r u lookin for?

Ciao,"

Max Thrust, Self-Righteously Indignant

Max Thrust, Self-Righteously Indignant

Anyway, another day, another $15,000, as we say in the biz. The weather was nice yesterday, but I’m really looking forward to the warmer weather, when the clothes come off and you can tell the hotties from the fatties. I can tell you from personal experience that there is nothing worse than picking up a college co-ed down at Tom Tom, getting her in the bathroom, and finding out she’s more than what you bargained for. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but at my salary, I can afford better. I’ve also got standards. I’m not going to swirl my penis around in just anyone’s vagina. But I won’t stop you from going down on me.

I rolled into the office at about 11 AM for a conference call strategy session with the majors of the adult film industry in order to discuss our reaction to S. 49, the Barely Legal Protection Act. Like this for example:

REGULATIONS—Not later than 180 days after the date of enactment of the Barely Legal Protection Act, the Commission shall promulgate regulations to require a video service to prevent the offering of dirty pictures where the model or actress appears to be younger than she's supposed to be and thus making men's blood boil in extreme dirtiness, as such terms are defined in section 254 yada yada.

What gives? The consensus is that Congress is looking to ban barely legal porn. The industry keeps up-to-date information on the models and actresses, including all the stuff on their fake ids. Fresh, young woman takes the bus to Hollywood, looking to break into acting, and they want to take the food out of her mouth. Disgusting.

This makes me so mad, the only way I can relax is if I can swirl my penis around in somebody’s vagina. My blackberry is on. Any takers?

Max Thrust. Irritated.

Max Thrust, lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition, had an excellent chapter in his story to tell today. Unfortunately, craigslist wouldn't let him post it. It had something to do with barely legal porn, taking the food out of the mouths of unsuspecting starlets that rolled into Hollywood, looking for fame, having fake IDs, and my righteous indignation. It wasn't pretty.

Anyway, to calm my restiveness, I had called upon those who might be willing to let me swirl my penis inside of your vagina and that my blackberry was on...anyway, that didn't happen.

So now I am trying this grassroots approach to getting supporters out to condemn craigslist and their nefarious tactics of getting posters, like me, who want young women to have much needed jobs in the porn industry. And again, my blackberry is on...

Max Thrust. Casual Tuesday.

Max Thrust. Lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition. It’s casual Tuesday for me. I’m wearing my Jasper Conrad pants, jacket, and tie ($855, $332, and $138 respectively); my shirt is Lorenzini ($275), and my shoes and pocket square are by Salvatore Ferragamo ($725 and $70).

I decide to take my XKR convertible Jag down to my K Street office. The top is down because the weather is nice. I get to the office and riding the elevator I notice a new intern with the Coalition. No more than 22, young, brunette. Firm buttocks and perky boobies. She’s from California Staring at her chest, I ask her how she likes working in DC. She tells me it has been the best experience of her life, but she’s looking for something permanent. I tell her she should come up to my office and perhaps we can work something out.

So then I’m sitting at my expansive mahogany desk and I’m letting her know how connected I am to folks on the Hill and she, kneeling under my desk, is making a connection of her own. As she’s finishing I’m catching up on my email on my blackberry. Yes, Senator Restons, I can meet you for lunch at the Old Ebbitt Grill. The intern and I continue our discussion. This time she’s bent over my mahogany desk. She starts talking about how she’s good friends with the Schwarzeneggers and that she’s been skiing with Billy Baldwin, and I tell her that people find name-dropping obnoxious, or at least that is what my good friend the Dalai Lama once told me.

Anyway, a bit later I’m having lunch at the Old Ebbitt Grill with Senator Bill Restons of Alabama. I ordered the Grilled New York Strip Steak and a glass of 2001 Opus One. I started with a dozen raw Wellfleets on ice. I’m trying to get him to moderate his stance on the temporary worker program. The Free Speech Coalition has been wanting to bring in more temporary workers for the industry because they command much less in wages than does home grown talent. Additionally, we cannot get them H2-B visas because, let’s face it, they are highly skilled at what they do. If you watch enough of those films, you know what I am talking about. He says he’ll have his staff look into the issue.

The check arrives. I pick it up, ‘natch. The waitress tenses a little when I grab her buttocks. Playing hard to get. I like that.

Me? Max Thrust . Lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition.

More Mad Max...this one is a collaboration...

Some say DC is Hollywood for the ugly. I say that DC is Chatsworth for the dumpy. Excluding, of course, yours truly. Chatsworth is indistinguishable from the other middle-class communities that sprawl across the San Fernando Valley, except for one thing. It's where the people who I work for do their business.

I do my business in DC. Me? Max Thrust. Lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition. My suit? Canali Coture ($3750). Shirt? Isaia ($365). Tie and pocket square? Robert Talbot ($320 and $85 respectively). My belt? Salvatore Ferragamo ($130). I slip on my $13,000 Carl F. Bucherer watch. In the cab I check out my reflection in the rearview mirror. Despite the day's exertions, not a hair is out of place. I look good. Those bi-weekly $100 haircuts at The Grooming Lounge certainly do pay off. I'll have to tip Antoine a little extra at the next visit.

I'm on my way to a reception on the Hill. In other words, a fundraiser. The reception is for Senator McMurrough, the senior Senator from Massachusetts. He's a lawyer and a champion of First Amendment issues so he’s a guy I want to get in bed with, so to speak, though he's often so far in his cups at these events that it can difficult to get his ear. I wanted to arrive right at the start, before he had one too many Bushmills, but upon arriving I found out he’d be arriving a bit later. However, his Chief of Staff is there and I want to have a word with her.

So I arrived at Sonoma at 6:00 sharp and as expected I'm one of the first people there. I pick up my name tag and momentarily worry that it may leave a mark on my Canali Coture ($3750) but then I spot his Chief of Staff, Meghan Brophy at the bar. I walk up behind her and run my hand down her back while murmuring her first name into her ear. She is delighted to see me and flashes a big smile. Meghan is attractive but not my type. She's black Irish, medium height, small but perky boobies, standard issue black pant suit and low-heeled pumps. Smart and energetic, she's way too uptight, but nothing a good lay wouldn't fix.

I'm hoping to get the head of Vivid Adult Entertainment in as a witness in a hearing on intellectual property issues, with my hand resting lightly on Meghan's high firm ass it seems like the politic thing would be to offer her that much need roll in the sack. I fix her with my sexiest smoky gaze and make my pitch. She straightens her shoulders, thrusting out her boobies in the process, signaling her interest, and tells me that she will talk to the committee staff director about our testimony but that she has a few more details to take care of before the Senator arrives and won't have time to talk with me further. I let her know that I'd be happy to discuss this with her in greater detail after the reception, but she begs off citing the need for beauty sleep. Too bad, I had a nice little fantasy running in my head about overcoming that uptight attitude with a good spanking before swirling my penis inside her vagina…from behind. Twice.

Just then a couple lobbyists from the music industry show up and we swap war stories over $40 glasses of 1970 Chateau Ducru Beaucaillou. The whole time sending smoldering looks to the bartender, who told me that she is working there until she lands a job on the Hill. I'm trying to decide if her boobies are real or enhanced. Not that I care either way, but I do consider myself a connoisseur of boobies and am sure she's had some work. I ask her when she gets off and she tells me that she is working late tonight. I tell her she shouldn't have to wait until then and offer to give her a special tip, swirling my penis inside of her vagina, on her next break. She says, “I love it for you to swirl your penis inside of my vagina” and we head for the employee bathroom. She gets off well before closing time. Oh and yes, they are enhanced.

By 8:00 I'm in a cab on my way to Georgetown trying to decide if I can find a young firm co-ed to nail or if I should just get dinner and call it a night. Are you up for having a Washington DC power-broker swirl his penis inside your vagina? Or would you just prefer me to fondle your boobies? My Blackberry is on...

Meet Max Thrust

I'm working on a new character. Meet Max. Max Thrust...

My suit? Luigi Borrelli Napoli ($3800). My Shirt? Lorenzini ($295). Tie? Massimo Bizzochi ($195). Pocket square? Ermenegildo Zegna ($70). I'm sitting in front of a half consumed Bombay Saffire and tonic and a Colossal Lump Crabmeat Cocktail. It's 1:30 and I just had lunch at the Palm. I'm Max. Max Thrust. I'm a lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition.

My lunch companion was a mellow opponent known affectionatetly among his intimates and colleagues on the hill as "The Saint." I know I didn't win him over with any of my slick repartee, but perhaps just maybe I pushed him onto the fence with regard to changing the 2257 Regulations. How were we supposed to know that his sixteen year-old daughter wasn't legal? She sure looked legal to me in that wet t-shirt contest in Cabo that was filmed by "Wild Girls of Spring Break." Let me put it this way, she sure looked like she knew wat she was doing. Especially later at the hotel room. Shit. And the Saint thinks she was in Alabama doing a stint for Habitat for Humanity. This could get ugly fast.

Not wanting to go back to work right away, I head up to the bar and sit next to an attractive blonde. I size her up. Shes wearing a $600 Jovovich-Hawk and a pair of $500 Barbara Bui sandals.

I know women. Women like honesty. Especially in DC. I introduce myself. Max meet Regina. Regina St. Germaine. I offer to buy her a drink. A cosmopolitan. She accepts. I offer my services. "Regina, I want to put my penis in your vagina. I want to put it in your vagina and swirl it around," I say. She accepts. She says, "ok lets go back to your place so you can swirl your penis around in my vagina."

"There's no time. I have to get back to work. How about I swirl my penis around in your vagina in the bathroom?"

She says, "Sure." Enthusiastically.

As I limp back to the office, I'm sucking on a mint and picking pubic hair and crabmeat from between my teeth and thinking about my next conquest. Could it be you?


He gets letters:

"Gimmie a break!!!"

"Are you back? Max Thrust is a little more (ahem) forward than Mr. Banana."

Single man seeking woman to practice his coitus skills on

Partially inspired by a weird post I think was flagged and removed, the gentleman was looking for a surrogate to have his baby but his wife wasn't too happy about the whole thing or something.

Hi

I once read somewhere that before you can love another you have to learn to love yourself. With the aid of internet porn, that is exactly what I have been doing. I think I have finally learned to love myself correctly and am now ready to practice that love on another woman.

A little about me: 37 yrs old, 6’0” and about 172 lbs. I come from the Midwest. I speak two languages fluently, English and Michigander English. I also know some French, German, and Italian. I am quite skilled at cooking, watching television, crossword puzzling, and napping. I am also well practiced in loving myself with the aid of “barely legal” internet porn.

About you? I’m not sure. I figure someone around my age would be appropriate, but since I have be practicing my love on the imaginary barely legal variety of female I’m not sure if there are physiological differences between 30 yr old women and 18 yr old women that would confuse me and interfere with my ability to practice my coitus skills on you. I trust you to know better than I do, being a woman and all. You, not me, right? Anyway, I guess you should be nice to look at. Also, you should probably know what coitus is so that you can coach me if I’ve got my knee somewhere it isn’t supposed to be or my hand accidentally ends up in the wrong place, etc. I mean, I don’t want to end up sticking my penis in your belly button and I’m thinking we’re having unsafe sex that would result in pregnancy. That would freak me out!

PLZ! only attractive WHITE females that are able/willing to allow me to practice my coitus skills on.....

Thx for your time

END YOUR SEARCH TODAY! Superhomme D’Amour for Triple-X Throwdowns!

I think I am way more superhero than this joker. And not as long-winded either (permalink).


Me? Superhomme D’Amour

My fiction is your reality.
I consistently laugh at danger. HA! HAHA! HA! Consistency is important.
I perform great feats of manly strength on a daily basis.
I build things from IKEA without looking at the instructions.
I do not do the “bend-over boyfriend” thing.
I like to Triple-X throwdown whether or not baby got back
I show a person that I am interested by grunting and grabbing my crotch.
I see things you mortals cannot fathom.
I’ve been to France.
I appreciate fine dining. I ate most of my FRIDAY'S® THREE-FOR-ALL last night.
I make love like a bonobo.
I dance like a white guy.
I can see through your clothes and I like what I see.
I know your face is “up here,” it’s just that I’d prefer to talk to your breasts.
I want to bathe you and wash your hair.
I want to brush your teeth.
I want scrape your tongue with your tongue scraper.
I want you and I to exist as one. Perhaps we can be sewn together
I am like no other. I am a Superhomme D’Amour.

When we meet it is like you cannot keep your hands off of me. I don’t mind. You mention that we should move the party over to my place where you perform an exotic strip-tease that ends with me applauding and stuffing dollar bills into your g-string. I then make passionate love to you using the 5 or 6 techniques that I learned on the internet and that I’ve been practicing solo while viewing “barely legal” porn. Having satisfied you like no other man has before, you fall asleep all sweaty and exhausted. Maybe even a little sore. In the morning I buy you pancakes. I am a Gemini and love to receive oral sex while I’m watching sporting events. Can I rest my beer on your head?

I hope to hear from you if you are interested in getting to know each other.

Please reply with your photo. : )

He gets letters:

"Just wanted to say I have enjoyed reading your m4w posts. They are notthe usual and have made me smile. I can appreciate that in a cold, dankwinter. Best of luck in your search. Besitos!"

Let you help me out

Request from a friend. Sorry I'm not posting the original. I think mine is better anyway.

So, you don't know what to say? Let me help you out:

Hi! I am a ChickBitchhorney Bitchjankety Hobarely legal Seeking Mr. BananaHammockMy bling blingMy stacked cheeseMy patented sex movesMy autograph on your breasts

and I want to meet you for sexfor sexfor sexfor sexfor sexfor sexfor sex

at your Adams Morgan CompoundSomeplace public creepy manmy place, I have a sex swing!a bathroom in a bar(behind) dumpster in an alleya secluded spot in Rock Creek Park

So we can have FunsexsexsexsexsexsexAll of Above

So, I'll want to email firstChat onlineTrade naked picturesTalk dirty on phoneGrab a drinkGet a restraining orderAll of Above

OK, got it? Now, since you can't hit "Submit", you have to copy and paste this into your email. (can you handle that?).

Do you like your man hairy?

Shout out to hairy men everywhere (permalink).

Sexy 70s hairy man here looking for a gal that appreciates a hairy guy. I have very soft back hair that you could rub your fingers through and maybe even cornrow after we are done with the hours of super hot and sweaty man on woman lovemaking that we will be doing if I sound like someone you would like to hit up for bedroom fun. Think of me as your own personal human sweater.


He gets letters:

" eeeeewwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Taste so good make a grown man cry

I’m an enchanting, genial, dexterous, and wily single white male with brown hair and eyes and shoes. I’m 6ft 1 inch tall. I drink and smoke. I’m looking to quit smoking. No criminal record or children (that I am aware of anyway). I am writing a Toccata for the Oud and am designing toile depicting scenes from the life of Scott Stapp, former front man of Creed. My “safe” word is “OUCH!” Yes I’m a worshipper of Bael, as sort of spider-like deity with three heads, a cat head, a frog head, and then the head of a big-nosed guy with pointy ears and a crown (see below). I come from a family and I live in rough and tumble Adams Morgan, amid poets, writers, artists, junkies and NIMBYs. I have a great command of the English language and a large collection of those state quarters. The English language and those state quarters make the World go round. I have a lot to offer in a relationship (see “large collection of state quarters” above). Plus I’m completely trustworthy. I’m too lazy to cheat and a bad liar. A good catch as they say.

I’m looking for a LTR with a woman who lives near me, Adams Morgan, Dupont Circle, Woodley Park, Mt. Pleasant (see “lazy” above). Someone from one of the local neighborhoods. Seeking a woman who thin to average. If you’re into the clubbing scene and hitting the bars than I might be your guy. Age unimportant. Just be nice, funny, thin to average, democrat, middle of the roader, or independents, like clubbing or bars, live near me, attractive, maybe a glasses-girl, I like them, you also come from a family, like cherry pie, eat food I cook, like to do activities, not into boring things, like non sequiturs, like inside naked sports (premarital), maybe shout at TV at times, drunk dial, drunk emails, suntan naked, enjoy small children (since I act like one), stuff like that. Bonus if you’re into guys who a prone to ramble on incoherently.

Did you know that nematodes are the most numerous multicellular animals on earth? A handful of soil will contain thousands of them, many of which are parasites of insects, plants or animals.

Looking for a one night stand that might lead to more.

Very high ick factor. Thanks, fellow in snark, for pointing this guy out to me (permalink). I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

MY RULES


1. First we soak in my champagne flute-shaped hot tub so this way we know we are each clean
2. We wear protection. I wear a raincoat. You wear galoshes
3. We climb into my big round rotating bed. It has satin sheets and mirrors so we can watch ourselves makin’ “it”
4. My sheet are clean except for a small blood stain which happened when I hit my head on my vanity while my bed was rotating…ouch that hurt
5. You live close to me because I’m lazy
6. You can spell finished. shepherd, and fetuses
7. You like indie rock and other forms of music
8. Hoobastank is not indie rock or even another form of music
9. You are not married
10. You’re a cute, intelligent, female of average to thin build
11. You wear socks under your galoshes (or not), it is up to you
12. If you’re answering any phone calls while we have sex I must not be doing something right
13. No answering the door while we have sex unless you are under 5’2” and 120lbs. I probably cannot carry more than that over a long distance while we are having sex
14. No mental cases who try to get a restraining order on me after I dump them. I broke up with you after all. Why would I bother stalking?
15. No other mental cases either. You know who you are
16. You can make smell of female funk in my apartment but keep in mind my apartment smells mostly of man funk and those Glade® PlugIns® things. I believe the current scent is “Suddenly Spring™” or something like that.
17. We will oral each other (or not). I’m big on rules.
18. After sex we can lie in bed and watch a DVD or something or order Chinese or pizza or sushi.
19. Email or phone ok
20. Picture appreciated
21. If you think I am handsome or something let me know. I like compliments
22. BONUS if you like guys who smoke. I’m trying to quit, but I’m not quite there yet. See #15 above
23. BONUS if you are a glasses-girl
24. BONUS if you are an indie rock girl
25. If you want to record, I’ve got a digital camera. I insist on writing the dialogue though
26. I’m won’t do the “bend-over-boyfriend thing” but you can stick your finger in my butt if you wish. I won’t try to guilt you about trying anal sex.
27. You don’t need to be perfect. I’m not. Though I prefer thinner women.
28. My coworkers called me self-absorbed the other day. I replied that it reminded me of the time where I was having sex in my rotating bed and I was checking out my hair in the mirrors and this girl said, “you are so self-absorbed.” Truth be told, we were making a movie with my camera and I thought that I wanted my hair to look good. I had written some great dialogue and I was filming this movie. I had forgotten to check my hair before I started to “roll film” and I was just making sure my hair looked good. What’s the big deal?

NUDE PICTURES SENT TO ME will be used in fantasy masturbation scenarios. Just warning you...

Corporeal Compatibility Consideration, Cultivating Connections

Riffing on a guy (who deleted his post before I could archive it) while trying something new...illiteration!

I am concerned about considering my corporeal compatibility with a comely coquette I chance upon Craigslist. I am clever, comical, committed, charming, and cute. I covet coming across a comely coquette with consistent characteristics, and I crave our connection to consider carnality continually. If we are corporeally/carnally compatible, we can continue our criminally carnal courtship clear of the commencing “catechization.” Of course, and did I cite my first-class coition capabilities.

So you can be considered for this chance, please:

1. Be a comely coquette
2. Quarter conveniently close (Adams Morgan)
3. Convey a copy of your countenance.
4. Construe your constitutional characteristics if the copy of your countenance isn't complete

Cheers,
Craig

hey ladies

Just reading between the lines here...(permalink).

hey ladies what's up? im a 6' 170 lb. male with poor grammar and punctuation skills.. just "looking" for a good time.. "sex" is a plus: but by no means is "required"; im just looking for an attractive, fun, fit female who shares similar interests as me.. my "main" interest is "sex"! send me your 'pic' and ill send you "mine"? im not "built" or "athletic", definetly not "super large".. and not "super small" either.. hopefully you can accept "that".. perhaps we could meet up and discuss our main interest, which is "sex."

Do the men in your life lack romance and sensuosity?

The total package (permalink).

I'm a successful entrepreneur... I paste blue and green glitter, feathers, and colored pipe-cleaners on empty egg cartons and sell them on eBay as jewelry boxes. I am extremely self-confident. I strut to and fro with my chest thrust forward. Other men ask me for advice and directions when they are lost. When I walk into a room, people speak admirably about my style of dress. Women often ask my for fashion tips for the men in their life. Crowds applaud when I parallel park. I am warm. My current body temperature is 0.3 degrees above normal. I am intelligent. I know that the speed of light is 670,616,629.384 miles per hour (in a vacuum of course). I can ask for a beer in several European languages and can say thank you when I receive the beer (which I guess also makes me polite). I am respectful. I won't grope your breasts without first asking for permission. I will call your father sir and I won't smack your mom's buttocks when I meet them. Caucasian, brown eyes, brown hair, 6'1, 169 lbs., totally D&D free, confident without being self-possessed, good cook, big feet, and was once interviewed for a travel magazine who wanted to know how I liked the Parker House rolls at the Parker House in Boston. Photoshopping is a driving force in my life. I'm a dance battler in my private life, an award winning bungee golfer in a past life, and a MAed spy in the house of love in my public life. I won't be refused. I'm waiting for your heart's defection. I embrace the sensibilities of Dr. No. I have a strong reverence those who would surround themselves with sexy femme fatales while attempting to implement an evil plan of world domination.

You are an attractive, fit, intelligent blonde or brunette or redhead. You would delight in feeling the loving touch of a self-confident man of warmth, intelligence, respectulness and any other stuff that I mentioned in the paragraph above.

Would you like to get your hands on a true midwestern transplant? I can show you where I came from on my HAND! A caring adventure of mind and body coupled with a strong midwestern work ethic. I won't stop working until you reach...Bliss..

I'm very willing to entertain you inside and outside your body. I've learned at least four sex moves from the internet and have been practicing them for weeks on myself. Now willing to try them on women. Attractive, fit, intelligent women with hair. Erotic explorations. Affectionate kisses.

... A kiss on your lips.

A kiss on your neck.

A tongue in your ear.

A kiss on your lips again.

Then licking your entire face.

And pinch your nipple with one hand.

Remote control in the other hand.

We can escape the daily grind outside and do our own grinding inside. Converse on sacred spaces. Contemplate the nature of the Universe. Calculate PI. Discuss the TomKat wedding. Express our surprise at the Britney/Kevin breakup (We both thought they'd go the distance). Talk and laugh and hug and play. Roll around and laugh and laugh and laugh. Then start hiccuping. I'll gently stick my fingers in your ears while you drink a glass of water with your head tilted backwards.

Charlie Manson once said, “If you are going to do something, do it well. And leave something witchy.” Here's my pic. I'd love to see your pic. Let's do something.

Experience Extreme Man on Woman Sensuality!

Last night, Orange line from Dunn Loring to Metro Center then Red line to Woodley Park. The Grosvenor train mostly empty. A cutie I flexed pointed and winked at wanted me to sign her breasts. Luckily I had my Mr. Sharpie on hand. I was wearing my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. My well-muscled torso was glistening with a mixture of drizzle and sweat from my PM workout. She asked for a couple of poses and I gave her what she wanted: Front Double Biceps and a Back Lat Spread . She swooned at the sight of me – extreme vascularity, ripped definition, extreme cell volumnization, stamina, endurance, complete hydration. Trust me. You would have also had you been there to witness the display.

Instead of heading directly home, I stopped by Angles for a Cadenhead's Old Raj Gin and Hybolin Decanoate. Cracking my neck, I take a sip and scan the room. My head bobbing in rhythm to music that only I can hear. Wink point with a trigger finger. She comes up. I don’t know her name. I didn’t ask. She did though. She asked to experience my version of man on woman sensuality. She has heard I mix the Tantra with the Tao for a lovemaking far superior to what you would normally experience from the regular posters on craigslist. She knows I know how to create a circuit from her yoni to her thigh. She knows I know Cat And Mice Sharing A Hole, Cicada On A Bough, and the Dragon Turns. What she doesn’t know is that I don’t have time right now.

I pay and head home to my Adams Morgan compound. I order General Tso’s Penguin from the organic Chinese restaurant in Woodley Park. Waiting for dinner I settle into my couch and watch “Degrassi: Next Generation” on the NOGN.

Me you ask? Eating birds that swim. Signing breasts with a Mr. Sharpie. Superior coitus. That is what I am about. And if you are tired of the guy looking for a woman to fuck, and would prefer to experience extreme man on woman sensuality, you know where to write.

He gets letters:

"Sensei! I'm a guy, checking out the competition, but wanted to congratulate
you on your Mark Leyneresque story. If I were a babe I'd do ya..."

"please tell me you are joking"

Fun Together! Lets Make IT!

Say what the fuck (permalink)? Intelligence vampire seeks smart woman...

Hello; Please see the end of my posting because. I am new to this grammar and punctuation thing. I figure I'll give internets dating a spin or swivel because I keep so busy with work and other non-work activities. I am very sociable and pleasant painless to get along with. I’m sparkly but not gay! I love to walks on the beach and swims in the ocean. I am very unprejudiced and unique in a lot of ways. I love to rub boobies and make sex. I also like receiving oral sex. I am very unique. I am looking for someone equally unique so I may share the joy and fun in my life inside her. I think life is very short and you should enjoy it as much as possible so why not do it with someone who cares and is worth sharing it with rather than meeting someone at a bar for doing it. I don’t play games because I am too old and tired of that. You shouldn’t play games because you’re not old and tired but young and hot and just not a game-player. I am very blunt at times and call it as I see it. Like, “Your butt looks big in those jeans” or “Ouch! Not so much teeth” or “Since you was up, could you grab me a beer?” I think it would be so nice to find someone to do that with instead of lying to someone. Lying ugly, truth nicey nice. I want someone who can communicate because clearly key is clear communication, right? I'm sure you understand too been there done that. If you would like to know more I can be reached at mrbananahammock where the mail is geeee..... (gmail) or on the linkey above. I would like to meet someone who is fun to be around, young and hot, bendy, and a person who likes to make inside loving sexy bed adventures.

The qualities I am looking for are someone who is fun, young and hot, bendy, and who likes me inside their bodies. Someone who is not afraid to express herself and not player of games. I am not fond of mind tricks or gameplayers or unbendy ladies. Someone who likes good times and good bed joyfulness and hippity hop and try new things together, maybe even get wild and do different positions like you on top! Wow. Feeling the hotness now….are you? Please be lady as I am gentlemanly. Life too short why not enjoy it with someone worth time and qualities that won't judge unless it is required that to be judged. Please have qualities that I mention.

No freaks or people from Ohio.