Max Thrust gets a new client

The Big Mouthfuls of America Association, or BMAA, just recently joined the Free Speech Coalition in order that yours truly would lobby on issues relating to a reauthorization of an Act to limit the size of mouthfuls that these enterprising young women are allowed to accept. It’s popularly called the “I Promise I Won’t Come in Your Mouth Too Much” Act. I’m Max Thrust. Lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition.

This is a case, at least in my opinion, where Congress is overreaching. With all the talk about banning transfats and complaining that kids are getting too fat because of what they are putting in their mouths, etc., I guess you are starting to see a pattern. What these women are ingesting, or letting drip down their chins, is high in protein and low in calories. And we all know that protein is essential for muscle growth and when consumed breaks down into amino acids which are the building blocks of the body. Without protein, your hair could fall out, your fingernails could crumble, and your muscles could deteriorate into, well, mush. Also ingesting protein will help you lose weight.

So, anyway, the other night I’m swirling my penis inside this woman’s vagina in the men’s room at Morton’s. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Ok, so I notice this young woman at the bar in Morton’s checking me out. I walk up to her and ask her if she’d like to join me in the bathroom so that I can swirl my penis inside her vagina. She says, “I’d very much like you to swirl your penis inside my vagina.” So we go to the bathroom. After I’m swirling it around a bunch, I tell her, “Hey, I’m about to have my "happy fun" moment. My man juice is made of protein. It’s good for losing weight. You’re kinda fat. Can I swirl my penis in your mouth for a bit?”

Then something happens. She gets all made about something and I don’t get to finish. As a result I’m very horny. And as always, my blackberry is on...