Me? Max Thrust . Lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition.

More Mad Max...this one is a collaboration...

Some say DC is Hollywood for the ugly. I say that DC is Chatsworth for the dumpy. Excluding, of course, yours truly. Chatsworth is indistinguishable from the other middle-class communities that sprawl across the San Fernando Valley, except for one thing. It's where the people who I work for do their business.

I do my business in DC. Me? Max Thrust. Lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition. My suit? Canali Coture ($3750). Shirt? Isaia ($365). Tie and pocket square? Robert Talbot ($320 and $85 respectively). My belt? Salvatore Ferragamo ($130). I slip on my $13,000 Carl F. Bucherer watch. In the cab I check out my reflection in the rearview mirror. Despite the day's exertions, not a hair is out of place. I look good. Those bi-weekly $100 haircuts at The Grooming Lounge certainly do pay off. I'll have to tip Antoine a little extra at the next visit.

I'm on my way to a reception on the Hill. In other words, a fundraiser. The reception is for Senator McMurrough, the senior Senator from Massachusetts. He's a lawyer and a champion of First Amendment issues so he’s a guy I want to get in bed with, so to speak, though he's often so far in his cups at these events that it can difficult to get his ear. I wanted to arrive right at the start, before he had one too many Bushmills, but upon arriving I found out he’d be arriving a bit later. However, his Chief of Staff is there and I want to have a word with her.

So I arrived at Sonoma at 6:00 sharp and as expected I'm one of the first people there. I pick up my name tag and momentarily worry that it may leave a mark on my Canali Coture ($3750) but then I spot his Chief of Staff, Meghan Brophy at the bar. I walk up behind her and run my hand down her back while murmuring her first name into her ear. She is delighted to see me and flashes a big smile. Meghan is attractive but not my type. She's black Irish, medium height, small but perky boobies, standard issue black pant suit and low-heeled pumps. Smart and energetic, she's way too uptight, but nothing a good lay wouldn't fix.

I'm hoping to get the head of Vivid Adult Entertainment in as a witness in a hearing on intellectual property issues, with my hand resting lightly on Meghan's high firm ass it seems like the politic thing would be to offer her that much need roll in the sack. I fix her with my sexiest smoky gaze and make my pitch. She straightens her shoulders, thrusting out her boobies in the process, signaling her interest, and tells me that she will talk to the committee staff director about our testimony but that she has a few more details to take care of before the Senator arrives and won't have time to talk with me further. I let her know that I'd be happy to discuss this with her in greater detail after the reception, but she begs off citing the need for beauty sleep. Too bad, I had a nice little fantasy running in my head about overcoming that uptight attitude with a good spanking before swirling my penis inside her vagina…from behind. Twice.

Just then a couple lobbyists from the music industry show up and we swap war stories over $40 glasses of 1970 Chateau Ducru Beaucaillou. The whole time sending smoldering looks to the bartender, who told me that she is working there until she lands a job on the Hill. I'm trying to decide if her boobies are real or enhanced. Not that I care either way, but I do consider myself a connoisseur of boobies and am sure she's had some work. I ask her when she gets off and she tells me that she is working late tonight. I tell her she shouldn't have to wait until then and offer to give her a special tip, swirling my penis inside of her vagina, on her next break. She says, “I love it for you to swirl your penis inside of my vagina” and we head for the employee bathroom. She gets off well before closing time. Oh and yes, they are enhanced.

By 8:00 I'm in a cab on my way to Georgetown trying to decide if I can find a young firm co-ed to nail or if I should just get dinner and call it a night. Are you up for having a Washington DC power-broker swirl his penis inside your vagina? Or would you just prefer me to fondle your boobies? My Blackberry is on...