Single man seeking woman to practice his coitus skills on

Partially inspired by a weird post I think was flagged and removed, the gentleman was looking for a surrogate to have his baby but his wife wasn't too happy about the whole thing or something.

Hi

I once read somewhere that before you can love another you have to learn to love yourself. With the aid of internet porn, that is exactly what I have been doing. I think I have finally learned to love myself correctly and am now ready to practice that love on another woman.

A little about me: 37 yrs old, 6’0” and about 172 lbs. I come from the Midwest. I speak two languages fluently, English and Michigander English. I also know some French, German, and Italian. I am quite skilled at cooking, watching television, crossword puzzling, and napping. I am also well practiced in loving myself with the aid of “barely legal” internet porn.

About you? I’m not sure. I figure someone around my age would be appropriate, but since I have be practicing my love on the imaginary barely legal variety of female I’m not sure if there are physiological differences between 30 yr old women and 18 yr old women that would confuse me and interfere with my ability to practice my coitus skills on you. I trust you to know better than I do, being a woman and all. You, not me, right? Anyway, I guess you should be nice to look at. Also, you should probably know what coitus is so that you can coach me if I’ve got my knee somewhere it isn’t supposed to be or my hand accidentally ends up in the wrong place, etc. I mean, I don’t want to end up sticking my penis in your belly button and I’m thinking we’re having unsafe sex that would result in pregnancy. That would freak me out!

PLZ! only attractive WHITE females that are able/willing to allow me to practice my coitus skills on.....

Thx for your time

The way I see things....

Sometimes a fella has to brag himself up a bit...

I am fully conversant on stuff and things and can talk about either without hesitation. Strangers compliment my hair style regularly. Crowds gather to watch me parallel park and erupt in spontaneous applause at my efforts. I’m generally gracious and hand out as many autographs as are requested. I have a large collection of barely legal porn because it was once said that before you can love another you have to be able to love yourself. I routinely perform ritual male tests of strength including changing the empty water bottle on the water cooler and lifting full boxes of paper over my head. But I’m also sensitive. Watching “She’s Having a Baby” has been known to make me weepy. Squirrels and birds alight on my outstretched arms when I walk through Rock Creek Park. Men want to be me. Women want to be with me. Evildoers fear me. I have been known to eat an entire sandwich in only one sitting. I am bilingual. I speak both standard English and Michigan-English: “You guys wanna go to Winzerr and catch’da Canadian ballay?” – “Would you like to go to a strip club in Windsor?” I know several traditional wedding dances, including the Electric Slide, the Tush Push, and the YMCA. Tourists frequently ask me for directions, trusting me with their very lives.

A great man, me, once said all slurry: “They put tha panties in the glove box and make lotsa money.” I was drunk. I couldn’t remember the joke, but I think that might have been the punch-line. Done with the head games, lies, and childish deception.

"Now it's MEEEESHEGANDER DELIGHT ona Moonlit Night" :)

More sexy accents (permalink)...

Hi'ya guys,

I'ma 37 year old fella from Meeshegan (not some bunkin’ from Minnuhsoda, eh?). I have white complexshun, brown hair and brown eyes.

I came ta da big ciddy 10 years ago frem aehNarbor ta werk fer en NGO en then fer a law ferm. (yes I know, didn't we all? :) )

In mah free time I enjoy ice fishin', haahkee, sitin' ahn my davenport drinkin' a Strohs, da Canadian ballet, deer camp, takin' mah Chrisscraft owtahn LayKEEie, en playing Euchre. I like learnin' about new cultchers en people, especially New Yorkers.

I'ma laid back, easy goin', fella with ah strong affinidy fer bolth Vernors and high fashin'.

I would like it if yer pretty, slim and younger. No fudgies. :)

Lookin' forwerd to yer reply.

p.s Been tole I'havea *SEXY ACCENT* :)

Bad Poetry Thursday: Michiganderr

Hopefully I've exorcised most of the Michigan out of me this week, though it was fun!

My stayd’s shapped like a midden.
I-usta live here. Now I live here.
Close ta da big lake.
Led me show ya on ma hand.
I’ma Michiganderr.

Exid 69. The Big BEEver. I-sevendy-five.
Stop near Flin. Tony’s. Home of the Big Samwich.
The hunder’s special: 5 gallons of chili.
Pounda bacon. Samwiches.
Onda wayda deer camp.

Maahm wanded us guys ta take the Chriscraft out.
She say’s, “it’s geddin’ late in da season.”
“Led’s cruise LayKEEie on las-dime. Hava cole one.”
But I said, “Maahm, deeahd ‘n’ us guys
Argoin’ hunin’ this weeken.”

In Gaylerd we stop at Meijer’s.
Pick up some supplies.
Ammo. 2 gallons of melk. Stroh’s.
Huntin’ licenses.
Feelin’ da calla da wuds.

Over Da Bridge. Up neerda Soo.
Inda landofda Yooper.
Oudin da wuds. Da sounda nachure.
Da foilage seemsda strech FREVer.
Geeze-O-Pete id’s cole.

Id’s deer camp. An all us guys are happy.
Away from da women and da big ciddies.
Deerburn, aehNarbor,
Grrarapids, Di’TROI!
Camp’s finally dethawed.

We drink our Stroh’s and play Euchre
And reminisce about poor Jimmy
Who drownded in the lake last year.
We goddar guns. We goddar ammo.
But we never shood no deer.

Hiyuh guys! If yuh like sexy accented fellas...

Michigan guy again! I guess I'm feeling nostalgic for a nice big cold glass of melk. Maybe he'll continue on into bad poetry Thursday!

... we can sit ahn my davenport, split a pop and eat some samwiches and tawk, eh?

How’zit goin’? Swm new tuh da area, da home of Cahngriss and da GoverMit. Da Big Ciddy! Wahw! All da big buildings…it’s like bein’ in da wuds (but with no guns or Stroh’s). I’m u-sta jest openin’ up the doorwall and hangin’ out on the padio with a cole one (though I gotsa say I doan miss climin’ up on da ruff and cleenin’ da eeevstraaaf).

Bout me? I’ve got ekceptional Michiganderr good looks (not some bunkin’ from Minnuhsoda, eh?), in shape (I play haahkee and curlin’), drive a Tie-oda, strong affinity fer bolth Vernors and da Canadian ballet.

Geez-Louise! I'm a real cloze-horse as yuh can see. Naht! But at least I like ta be COMFterbul. Yuh shood too. Fudgies not a problem, but would nice if yuhr pretty, slim and younger :)

Have a good one!

If ya like accents...

Accents are sexy...(permalink).

... we can drink a pop er maybe some melk from my frigerraider and split a pasty, eh? :)

Hi you guys! swm new tuh da ciddy with Michigan / Canadian look, acceptable shape, drive a Tie-oda, good curler with a strong affinity fer bolth Vernors and winter sports like haahkee and ice fishin'. Geez-o-pete! I'm a real cloze-horse as ya can see. Fudgies not a problem, but would nice if yer pretty, slim and younger :)

I u-sta live here not far frum da big lake.

Some cute fun grl for marvelousness out there? :-)

Mr. France Actor Guy is back. Still very new to town.

Very very new in town looking for a real cute slim marvelous fun easy 25-30 grl for fun or more...Im from Michigan originally, you betcha, so im marvelous cool down to earth no games no baggage funny nasally Michigan accent etc...im policy weenie and do work-modelling for fun :-) so send me urpic and lets go out listen to Bob Seger and his Silver Bullet Band or something-later babes-send urpic for a reply.