sexy + sexy = extreme sexamaliciousness
It's been a while since I posted on Craigslist. Busy at work I suppose. Here's one that should have me needing to sift through literal piles of responses from eager young woman who want a taste of hot lovin' championhandwasher style...If you want to go out me, be prepared to have a time like no any other that you've ever had. Period. It's not like going out with any guy you've ever been out with before. Words can barely describe the going out with me experience. But I'll try. Here goes. We go out to dinner - I'll pay. But you better not be ordering no lobster. About me - besides having a full time day job, I read books on the side, download "barely legal" porn and masturbate, and I go to bed kinda early. That keeps me off the streets and out of trouble. Downloading internet porn is a lot of fun. I have a tons of the stuff, internet porn "stuff" that is. I started downloading internet porn a couple of years ago, however - most of my close friends also download internet porn (when were not playing Everquest that is). I'm getting pretty good at "Rockin the House" so to speak. Nowadays, if I am not reading or downloading internet porn - I am generally sleeping, just kiddin. Sometimes I'm watching TV. I'm seriously looking for sexy chicks for romanticity. Me on top at first, but if we decide to get really freaky, then you on top. You know what I'm sayin . . .
Check out this wild story. I never thought it would happen to me. So I'm in this bar, ok? And there's this totally, totally hot babe, right? Smokin' hot. And like, I've had a few miller lites so I'm all bold, ok? So I order another miller lite and walk over to her, right? Well turns out she's been downing appletinis for the last four hours or so, totally pissed off about some guy, dig? I don't want to hear about the guy, but the situation? I figure I'm in there, totally! I go over all suave and and introduce myself and she, like, totally gives me the once over and smiles! I'm thinking I'm totally in. All the way. She orders a couple more appletinis and we clink glasses and down them. Next thing I know, four or five more appletinis later, she's like, "Let's get out of here." So we take off. We hail a cab and I'm checking her out and she's totally checking me out, ok? Long legs, titties, great ass. Really hot, ok? I mean superfine hottie hottness. Cab takes us to her place, and she invites me up, right? Score! So I'm in the apartment, beer in hand, she's acting all sexy-like. It's hot! My head's spinning, she's totally hot, everything's hot, ok? Next thing I know, it's, like, seven in the morning, my breath smells like vomit, and there's a note pinned to my jacket asking me to lock the door when I leave. I'm still dressed and really have no idea what, if anything happened. How cool is that!
Now I could write a whole lot more and philosophize on dude ladies, lady ladies, woman ladies, tomboy ladies, but I won't. Not today. You probably wouldn't understand it anyway. Besides, I gotta go prep my dinner.
Not saying I am going to get any responses, but if I do - please attach a picture for a reply. I don't want to end up with no dude ladies. I the dude on the right hand side of the dude lady. Or, alternately, the boob on the far left.
He gets really long sort of crazy letters:
"Saw your ad. Any guy who confesses to spending an inordinate amount
of time with internet porn, and getting drunk and going home with a
chick that drinks appletinis deserves someone to write him back! I
couldn't see your face, it was too obscured by the boob on the far
left, but you obviously have a sense of humor.
I am also a giant fan of internet porn; not just internet porn, but
all kinds of porn, actually. Internet porn is good cause you can go
find stuff that's just too raunchy to rent from the store. Have you
ever noticed that porn store clerks are always overly friendly? It's
really weird...
I'm your average guy's girl. Love dirty movies, basketball, whiskey,
making out with girls, and blowjobs (giving them, as getting one would
be impossible-I don't have the equipment). Does that make me a "dude
girl"? Unfortunately, I can never find men who can deal with these
qualities. They always turn all weird. Seriously, one of my
boyfriends broke up with me on my birthday one year because I wanted
us to sleep with one of my cuter girlfriends, who at the time was
sitting in my lap kissing me. It was traumatic.
Sorry, got carried away. Anyway, love to talk to you more, but I won't
bore you too much in the first email. I'll wait till later emails for
the boring stuff.
Sending a pic, but I'd love one where you didn't have a boob in your face. ;)"
Labels: retards, sexamliciousness
posted by Champion Hand Washer at 4:25 PM
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