Elitist WASP seeks Elitist WASP to Sneer at our Lessers, seriously

Colossal Ass Seeks xtra-special and incredibly unique substrata of society on Craigslist? Ha! (permalink).

6'1" tall, white male, currently an Elitist WASP, fancier of all things upper-crusty, and eternally a snob seeks fellow White Anglo-Saxon Protestant elite female to bond with over sneering at our lessers, long talks concerning the merits of summering in the Hamptons versus summering in Newport (obvious, duh), cucumber sandwiches: butter or cream cheese?, VS, VSOP, or XO?, and how we can keep our boot planted firmly on the necks of the masses through 'compassionate conservatism.' I come from a blue-blooded family from Ann Arbor Michigan, I'm a traditional Midwestern gentleman, and I am definitely not metro-sexual.

I am a complete ass, though I do have a sense of humor, I know many ethnic jokes, and have a strong sense of wit (look that cripple fell down, how rich!), and do not wish to date anyone in my current social circle; hence the advertisement here.

REQUIREMENTS:

Ideally the WASP-ier, the better; any hint of pigment in your skin gets you shown the door.

Preferred age range: 24-34. If you're younger than that you need to impress me with your intellect. A college degree is a must (In case we hit it off really well, and we touch our loins together, I wish that the future progeny must come from the loins of two well-educated people). No diseased loins. Yes, I will check.

Your blood must be blue. Yes, I will check.

You must enjoy those big hats they wear to horse races, wine tasting, teasing the homeless and retarded, and cultural events where other elitist WASPs congregate: the symphony, dining at the Palm, charity balls, the opera, and art galleries.

OK, if you made it through this far, you are probably saying what a catch this guy is, and I am here to tell you that you are right. This message is targeting that extra-special and incredibly unique substrata of society that typically reads craigslist...

Yes, that photo is of me (WASP without the beard), sorry about all the smiling; the photographer was directing me to like I was having a good time at this totally white trash event we decided to go to in order to make fun of white trash. I really do like to scowl though. The other photo is that of my dog, Thaddeus Masterson the Third. He must be accepted as well (He is a great dog, pedigree blood line, a little rough around the edges, and fun to be around. He only smokes Cuban cigars (like me).

He gets letters:

"Hmmm, it seems that between the hours of 2:27am, and 3:36pm you shrunk an inch, and have gone from being a "partial ass' to a "complete ass". You also managed to change dogs, and have gone from being a "traditional Southern gentleman" to a "traditional Midwestern gentleman". Well, at least you have consistently claimed to be a gentleman....I guess neither traditions place an emphasis on honesty. Oh! Let's not forget that in both ads you assert that you are NOT a metro-sexual. Good Luck in your search.....One Smart WASP Lady"

"

The way I see things....

Sometimes a fella has to brag himself up a bit...

I am fully conversant on stuff and things and can talk about either without hesitation. Strangers compliment my hair style regularly. Crowds gather to watch me parallel park and erupt in spontaneous applause at my efforts. I’m generally gracious and hand out as many autographs as are requested. I have a large collection of barely legal porn because it was once said that before you can love another you have to be able to love yourself. I routinely perform ritual male tests of strength including changing the empty water bottle on the water cooler and lifting full boxes of paper over my head. But I’m also sensitive. Watching “She’s Having a Baby” has been known to make me weepy. Squirrels and birds alight on my outstretched arms when I walk through Rock Creek Park. Men want to be me. Women want to be with me. Evildoers fear me. I have been known to eat an entire sandwich in only one sitting. I am bilingual. I speak both standard English and Michigan-English: “You guys wanna go to Winzerr and catch’da Canadian ballay?” – “Would you like to go to a strip club in Windsor?” I know several traditional wedding dances, including the Electric Slide, the Tush Push, and the YMCA. Tourists frequently ask me for directions, trusting me with their very lives.

A great man, me, once said all slurry: “They put tha panties in the glove box and make lotsa money.” I was drunk. I couldn’t remember the joke, but I think that might have been the punch-line. Done with the head games, lies, and childish deception.

Cerebral-Tsar seeks Tsarina: woman for a man REPLETE with Smartiosity

If your going to go on and on about how intellectual you are, please please spell-check before posting. Please? (permalink)

I'm not sure there are many women that share a similar sized brain-pan as I trolling craigslist, but I figure if there are, it'll put the ball in your court. I've wasted too much time with intellectual inferiors who don't know the difference between rational and natural numbers or even old formula coca-cola versus new formula coca-cola for that matter. Sycophants are great. But I have plenty and I tire of their incessant drooling over my intense intellecualnessment. I'm not looking for more women to worship me as a god. Heavens know I've got too many of these “hangers-on” already. I'm interested in dating and relationships. I'm interested in seeking out and exploring what my lessers seem to find so engaging.

I'm 37. White. A former grad student in Art History. I'm funny (I'll tell you a joke if you want but you probably will not get it because I am much smarter than you. Trust me, it's true), confident in ways you will never understand, and I will point out your errors and misjudgments, if only to help you be a better person. I love to cook, read, write, think grand thoughts, and look down on you. There's also a part of me that loves the baser parts of the culture we share: para-bungee-sailing, extreme moto-golf, and “dancing” the YMCA..

I like intelligent women. VERY intelligent women, on the order of IQs well over 100. Most women want smart, but not too smart. I'm very intellectual. I'm not arrogant or stuck-up, just honest about your intellectual inferiority to me. I chose this path of condensation over some very good law schools, medical schools, and even a certain Clown College located in Sarasota, Florida that will remain nameless because I don't like to brag. If you can't understand why someone would do that, I'm not for you.

I'm very liberal. Don't bother if you're conservative. I have European heritage but I'm not European.

I've traveled a lot: all over Michigan, Northern Virginia, Maryland, and even parts of Florida. I spent one summer at a sleep-over camp in Northern Michigan and didn't even once cry for my mommy. Good times.

He gets letters:

"Narcissistic Personality Disorder sufferers are so adorable. I just want to cuddle you."

"I posted an ad today please read below if you are interested please respond with a picture. By the way your ad doesn't [sic] intimitate me - no man can tell me he is smarter then me..."

Highly Evolved Elitist Seeks Beauty

Elitistism. Yeesh.

I am highly evolved, and all of the women I date claim they are also highly evolved, but five minutes into the conversation I can tell they really know very little about popular culture: What is a pog? The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers made a movie? Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley played Judy Jones in the "Ben's First Kis"s episode of "Growing Pains" AND was Hannah Nefler in "Troop Beverly Hills" AND was Christin in "Pleasantville"? German singing sensation David Hasselhoff played the role of Boner in "Revenge of the Cheerleaders" AND had a full frontal nude scene? They also make mistakes in speaking English, or they eat with the wrong fork, or they wear the wrong tops, revealing too little cleavage, or they're nasty and mean to me when I am helping them out by pointing out their flaws. Go figure.

In Washington, DC especially, the women are narrow, humorless, and uninteresting. They talk about wanting guys who have "values" or "jobs" who aren't "psycho" and won't "stalk" them. They want "hotties" who are "articulate" and "size" matters or are looking for their "Jack McCoy" or want to be "in like" and don't want to be "lonely." I have none of these qualities.

As you can tell, I hold myself above most people, and while this may sound vain and impossibly arrogant, I do so because I am simply too refined, educated, erudite, know which forks to use when, and frankly, too impossibly brilliant for the vast majority of women out there. Yes, I did try having a relationship with the mirror in my bedroom, and it was working for some time, but I realized I cannot spread my man seed and superior genetics onto a mirror and have it result in superior offspring. It just made my mirror all messy.