Anglo Version of Senator Bail Organa seeks his Breha Organa

For my 501st Craigslist post, I chose to do a real one though inspired by a number of today's posts. Namely, a Han looking for his Leia (permalink), and an Ewok (permalink) looking for god knows what (just not a friends with benefits situation).

I noticed that there were some Star Wars-inspired posts and wanted to join in on the fun, this being my 501st (yes 501st!) post on Craigslist. I have to confess I did have to Google the name of Bail Organa's wife (as well as the name "Bail Organa") as I am not that into Star Wars as some apparently are.

Indeed, there is a Luke looking for a Leia today, as well as an Ewok looking for love. I guess if there is potential interest in a short, fat, hirsute fella, I might finally (finally!) find a love connection on craigslist. After all, 501 posts is a lot, I'm not as fat, short and hairy as an Ewok, I clean up pretty good, and I like stuff.

While I realize that I am not as sexy or Latino as Jimmy Smits, the actor who played Bail Organa in Star Wars, I not that bad to look at. I'll attach a picture, you be the judge.

What else do I bring to the table? I employed, I can cook, I have good hygiene, I'm well traveled, I have a small collection of softcore hillbilly porn, I've done trapeze. Also, I am closer to you than than Senator Organa (who apparently lives on a planet called Alderaan (thanks again Google!) while I live in Adams Morgan. Senator Organa is also married and I'm not, which should be a plus I suppose.

I think it was Albert Einstein who once said that the definition of insane was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Hmmm. I'm not sure what that says about me?

You Think You Got It Goin' Like A Turbo 'Vette?

Sometimes you just have to brag yourself up to get attention...

To all the people that "THINK" they got it goin’ like a turbo ‘vette.....NOT. You really don't. Or at least you don’t got it goin’ like I have it goin’. A little about me... I'm ¼ French (America), ¼ German (America), ¼ Scot (America), and ¼ string cheese. I am highly cultured and knowledgeable about when it is proper to sit and when it is proper to stand. I know about the escargot fork. I know about the soup knife. I am adept at juggling multiple priorities. I keep up on fashion, politics, and hairstyles. I can create life-preserving devices out of duct tape, paper clips, and rubber bands. Crowds often gather around me when I walk around DC and ask me for advice on a variety of topics, most related to lovemaking, of which I am an expert. I am bigger than a bread box, smaller than a refrigerator, yet vaster than life itself. I can pinpoint my exact spot in the universe. I am grounded yet the laws of gravity don’t apply to me. I can see through your clothes and I like what I see. Men want to be me, their women want to be with me, and evildoers fear me. I can do the frug. I can do the Robocop. I can do the Smurf. I cannot, however, do the YMCA. I have personally calculated PI out to 7 decimal points. When I walk into a crowded room I am me with spontaneous applause. I can channel Elvis. I got it goin’ like a turbo ‘vette.

Fun Together! Lets Make IT!

Say what the fuck (permalink)? Intelligence vampire seeks smart woman...

Hello; Please see the end of my posting because. I am new to this grammar and punctuation thing. I figure I'll give internets dating a spin or swivel because I keep so busy with work and other non-work activities. I am very sociable and pleasant painless to get along with. I’m sparkly but not gay! I love to walks on the beach and swims in the ocean. I am very unprejudiced and unique in a lot of ways. I love to rub boobies and make sex. I also like receiving oral sex. I am very unique. I am looking for someone equally unique so I may share the joy and fun in my life inside her. I think life is very short and you should enjoy it as much as possible so why not do it with someone who cares and is worth sharing it with rather than meeting someone at a bar for doing it. I don’t play games because I am too old and tired of that. You shouldn’t play games because you’re not old and tired but young and hot and just not a game-player. I am very blunt at times and call it as I see it. Like, “Your butt looks big in those jeans” or “Ouch! Not so much teeth” or “Since you was up, could you grab me a beer?” I think it would be so nice to find someone to do that with instead of lying to someone. Lying ugly, truth nicey nice. I want someone who can communicate because clearly key is clear communication, right? I'm sure you understand too been there done that. If you would like to know more I can be reached at mrbananahammock where the mail is geeee..... (gmail) or on the linkey above. I would like to meet someone who is fun to be around, young and hot, bendy, and a person who likes to make inside loving sexy bed adventures.

The qualities I am looking for are someone who is fun, young and hot, bendy, and who likes me inside their bodies. Someone who is not afraid to express herself and not player of games. I am not fond of mind tricks or gameplayers or unbendy ladies. Someone who likes good times and good bed joyfulness and hippity hop and try new things together, maybe even get wild and do different positions like you on top! Wow. Feeling the hotness now….are you? Please be lady as I am gentlemanly. Life too short why not enjoy it with someone worth time and qualities that won't judge unless it is required that to be judged. Please have qualities that I mention.

No freaks or people from Ohio.

Feel free to contact – I have a hidden agenda

He just seems creepy (permalink).


I wasn't sure whether or not I would get a better response if I went platonic or just romantic looking. It is Sunday morning and the pit in my cellar is bare today. I'm too tired to stalk, big night last night, so I thought I'd try to meet somebody electronically.But either way here here is my post. I'm a true Gemini. I moved here from Michigan via Pennsylvania and Virginia. Been here a year. No family or friends here. I'm the quiet loner type. I am looking for attractive girls with sexy womanly curves to meet. I like women who aren’t very vocal, are compliant, and give in easily. I am very attracted to curvy attractive girls with nice skin. I am 6 ft tall and have an average build. I like curvy women with nice skin that don’t have a lot of friends or family (like me). I like women with nice skin whose friends and family, if they have them, wouldn't miss them if they didn’t get in touch for a day or two. Unfortunately, I am not open to any race. I prefer white, but not too white. So if there are any curvy women out there with nice skin, please respond. Nice skin and curvy is essential to the completion of my female-skin “suit.”

So I will attached my picture,

He gets letters:

"'It puts the lotion on it's back' No harm meant, but I couldn't resist. LOL."

Tired of the B.S? So am I!!!!!!

I'm so very tired of all the B.S. Maybe I can find a nice well-adjusted girl on craigslist?

Are you tired of all the B.S.? Are you tired of all the head games? Are you tired of all the cheaters and liars? Good so am I. I am a regular guy. I am no Billy Bob Thornton. My hobbies include off-road-para-bungee-surfing, extreme drinking, gential origami, amateur astronauting, time travel, cavy-wrangling, pubic hair topiary design, hip hop dance-offs, and singing glam metal on metro. I'm easy on the eyes, 6'1", fit-ish, hair, a bit introverted, easy to step on as I find myself laying on the floor a lot. You hopefully can lay on top of me! Don't send a single line asking for a picture as I've included one of me. Please send one of yourself. I hope hear from you soon.


{please be skinny and cute...please be skinny and cute}

Literate seeks Literate for Sensual, Tantric, Oily Massage

Memorial Day combo special. This guy repeatedly posts about wanting to rub women sensually (permalink). This other guy is clearly not 40 (permalink).

I have several choices of oil (lavender, Bergaamot Mint, and Myrtle Lemon), incense that while inspire high levels of eroticity, and Ray Best's “Celestial Touch” CD. I have edible body dusts that I can lick off you wearing my dentures or not. Your choice. I have arousal balms for your nipples and genitals. I have a box of Franzia chilling in the fridge if you desire adult libations. Please be literate, attractive, and thin. I am for real. “Boundaries” is my middle name. Actually it is Matthew but I can bring you high levels of arousal while still respecting any boundaries you might have. Please don't have many boundaries.

I have references you can call. Yes the pic is me. I have others that I can trade. I have one where I am wearing a thong. You must also have pics. I am highly selective with regard to who I choose to rub in an erotic manner. We must also talk on the phone before meeting so I know you aren't a guy. I don't want to rub down a guy. It's against nature.

You decide what you want massaged. Buttocks, Boobs, Genitals, Boobs, Genitals, almost anywhere you like. All you have to do is ask. You can ask for anything. I respect boundaries and I will stop rubbing you somewhere if you don't want me to rub that place. I am very easy to talk to though my hearing is poor.

I am free today until 4:00PM. I don't do this with just anyone. You must be literate, attractive, and thin. If you are married or in a relationship I understand. I can be descrete if you want me to be discrete. “Discrete” is my middle name. Talk to you soon.

Must be literate, attractive and thin.

We can do an early bird dinner after the massage. I'll have you home by 6:00PM.

Mr. BH

Make Your Girlfriends Replete With Jealousity

 
I think I'd make a much more interesting date than the guy who deleted his post. Really. I do.

Make Your Girlfriends Replete With Jealousity

Deep breath, here goes: I’m a guy. I eat food. I model blue jeans. My friends would say I’m retrosexual. I don’t think so, but I do have a kick-ass lime green polyester leisure suit. I mean…is there something wrong with that?

I’m unbound from societal norms and many of the laws of physics don’t apply to me. I hunt and gather. I wrote many of Neil Diamond’s biggest hits. I was nominated for the Nobel prize in “getting funky,” but turned it down because I thought it would damage my street creds. It’s a gift, really. I’m looking to meet someone cool and fun and spunky to share good times and bad.

What will we do together? Well, we’ll make Spanakopitas in my state of the art kitchen. We’ll reenact scenes from “The Opening of Misty Beethoven” in public restrooms. We’ll open gmail accounts and gmail each other. It so never gets old.

I’m looking to meet a girl next door. I’m lazy that way. I’m a real good listener, especially if you’re not wearing a shirt.

I have a graduate degree although I spend way too much time downloading barely legal porn. I know how to use basic HTML. I can make powerpoint presentations with really cool animations and transitions like “Wheel Clockwise, 8 Spokes.” And if you’re not wearing a shirt, I can completely lose track of time (although I’m definitely listening). Honest.

I’m looking for someone who’s nice and kind and looks good not wearing a shirt. Are you next door? If so what floor! I don’t have binoculars. I don’t. Really.

Please no millionaires, movie stars or vegans. I’m so over that. Let me hear from you!

He gets letters:

"I just have to point out it was really fun reading your post backward... I mean by paragraph, not by letter."

"I just wanted to tell you that your Craig's List ad was hysterical. It made me laugh on an otherwise dreary day"

"do you still model?"

Seeking that spark? Mr. Banana Hammock don't got it.

That is right. No spark. No dazzle. "No shit?" you say. I'm in a new job and I don't find the time to write much anymore. But I am looking for a date, hopefully leading up to another date to my new job's X-mas party on December 3, or so I am led to believe, at some country club in VA (god help us my staff is arranging the DJ). I promise to be charming as always, and reasonably fit and sane. You be likewise. If I don't have to explain why a sibling of mine (before you meet her - the explanation is there) would deign to marry three Jasons I will be impressed (although it is a good story). Attached is a year-old picture of my youngest niece and me from last X-mas (not the same kind of party).



He gets letters:

"I just wanted to say your posts are just about the only thing worth reading in the CL personals. I hope you have time to post more soon. You've been missed!"

Creepy and desperate guy seeks to pamper his would-be princess

Exuberant youth...

This loser wants to spoil you, do anything for you, and treat you like a princess.

A little about me: I'm fat, ugly, and have a crappy job....did I mention fat and ugly? I feel the need to grovel at a womens feet and tell her that I will treat her like a princess and answer to her every call.

Bonus points if you are that fat ugly chick that I see every day. I have no skills, am not decent looking so I am aiming for something around my level.
I've gotta stick with my level.

PS, my balls have not dropped yet and I am very unsuccessful with the ladies, and I don't have a clue what I'm talking about.

He gets letters:

"Too freaking funny!!!"

"I randomly saw your AD and thought I'd say Hi. My name is ***** and if you'd like to know more about me, please check out http://profiles.yahoo.com/********. It has pictures and links about me."

I'm a typical guy

Who does he think he's fooling anyway...

I'm a typical guy. I’ll say, "I'll call you sometime" and then I won’t. I'll respect you enough to tell you that I don't think we're a match but only after I sleep with you.

I'm a typical guy. If I buy you flowers 'for no reason', it’ll be because I've done something wrong or want something out of you, i.e. sex, money, blowjob, no particular order. Often, I'll give you a backrub or foot massage without you having to ask, but I will expect something in return (see above).

I'm a typical guy. I’ll cancel plans with you to go to a ball game or a strip club with my friends. If I call and say I have to work late, you might suspect I’ve got a date, but I’ll never admit to it.

No, I'm a typical guy. I know that lying in bed together doesn't have to lead to sex, but it better. When we do have sex, I’ll just roll over and fall asleep afterward. I know that if you don’t focus on my needs, I’ll be angry and seek solace elsewhere.

I'll ask how your day was, and feign interest when you tell me. If you go on and on, my eyes will glaze over. I'll cook your favorite dinner when you've had a long day as long as your favorite is take-out pizza or those Vienna sausages. I'll make you laugh, and I’ll look totally bewildered if you start crying.

Hey, keep your fuckin’ hands off the remote...

Snippets of a relationship

Who says romance is dead?

Driving day-trips down leaf-covered country roads, me driving and singing along off-key, at the top of my voice to Belle and Sebastian, Lloyd Cole and Leonard Cohen. You laughing at me, hair in the wind, bare feet up on the dash. Me screaming at you, “Get your fucking feet off my dash. The upholstery is light beige you know...”

Me, “No, we’re not lost. And no, I’m not stopping at that gas station for directions.” You, arms crossed and scowling...

You, “Why do have to be so passive aggressive?” Me, later, cleaning the toilet with your toothbrush...

You, “Let’s go see Moulin Rouge tonight.” Me, “You’re joking, right? Right? Right?"...

Us having sex. Me behind. You, “Ow! Watch it. I told you no anal.” Me, lying, “Sorry. It was an accident...”

You, getting dressed. Me. Groping your breasts. You, putting on your make-up. Me, groping your breasts. You, driving. Me groping your breasts. You, watching CSI. Me, groping your breasts...

Me, “Ever seen a one-eared elephant?” You, “No.” Me, turning the pocket of my jeans inside out while my penis is hanging out of the fly. Your mother not looking very amused...

Breakfast before work. You complaining about something work related and seeking comfort. Me providing constructive advice. You getting angry. Me saying “What?”...

Reading to/doing crossword puzzles with each other in bed. I fart and pull the covers over your head, trapping you underneath. Me laughing. You really pissed off...

You, “The computer is crashing again. Were you looking at porn?” Me, again lying, “It’s not me. It’s that damn Microsoft. Let’s get a Mac...”

Cooking together, me telling you to get out of my kitchen, you’re not doing it right, you sulking and watching the TV, trying not to cry...

Shopping together, you trying on 14,000 different pairs of jeans, me holding your purse getting really fed up, wishing I was anywhere but here, but preferably watching a football game...

If my idea of a great relationship can be condensed into a series of non sequiturs, these would be some of the images you might see. I think deep down, we're all realists striving to be romantics, but come on...I’m 6’ and 170lbs. I’d prefer a woman with her head screwed on straight, but never having actually met one, I’m not too picky in that department.

He gets letters:

"Well, at least you made me laugh. Thank you for that."

"i really enjoyed your post, it was refreshingly different. i could see
a lot of that - except i will never blame you for looking at porn on
the web, and i would tell you to get out of my kitchen when i am
cooking. who knows, maybe we could even cook together?"

"Not in a yikes sort of scary way, but just as that guy must be pretty entertaining to be around.

And I personally like to be groped in the morning...:-)

Let's get to the selling of me:

Pinot over Chardonnay, beach over city, serenity over drama, smarts over looks, drive over inherited, open minded over close minded, adventurous over boring, laughter over silence, kissing over arguing, afternoon sex over morning sex, Sunday morning talk shows over Monday Night Football, ACC Basketball and Football rules, Washington Post over Washington Times,promptness over tardiness, sunsets over sunrises, short talks with good wine over long talks with bad wine.

That’s me in a nutshell. I should probably add that I sing in the car, bite my nails at times, have a huge collection of granny panties, read over people’s shoulders, can watch VH1 for hours, trying to quit smoking, hate public transportation, know how to do a french dip, know a couple of good curse words."

"My sentiments exactly. You're hilarious. Of course, now that you have written it all down, where's the mystery? We could make up something, I suppose."

Do women like honest men?

It probably depends on just how honest you are.

My friends all say that I am a guy with a big heart and listen to my whining about not finding the “right” girl for me. Someone that I can settle down with and have kids some day. But the truth is I desperately fear commitment and intimacy and tend to attract emotionally or physically unavailable people into relationships. Even though I crave true commitment and intimacy. Go figure.

I am a horrible singer and my urine smells of asparagus. All the time. I eat a lot of asparagus.

I’ll call you at work and pester you with emails all day long. Not because I don’t have anything to do. I just don’t want to do it.

I am smart, but horribly insecure, so I won’t say much for fear of looking stupid. Unless of course if I am drunk. Then I’ll probably go on and on about how some ex-girlfriend of mine ruined her life by dumping me and what a great catch I am.

I took my father to the 9th Annual Oyster Riot this year at the Old Ebbitt Grill. I met three nice looking ladies from Northern Virginia. When I left the table to get a beer, one of them asked my dad if I was his boyfriend.

I am horny a lot. So being single I masturbate more frequently than is probably healthy and I am beginning to fear that I might become addicted to online pornography if this keeps up.

I am 6 feet tall and about 170 lbs. I work out three times a week, but I don’t think you’d know it looking at me naked. I am also convinced that I have a small penis, but women that I have been with have said it is big. I am convinced they are lying.

Your picture gets mine.

He gets letters:

"Women do like honest men!! More than you know:) I love that your post was for real....a couple of strange things but everyone has their quirks...."

"I like honest men! but insecurity and a small penis.... hmm... that's something serious!"