Creepy and desperate guy seeks to pamper his would-be princess

Exuberant youth...

This loser wants to spoil you, do anything for you, and treat you like a princess.

A little about me: I'm fat, ugly, and have a crappy job....did I mention fat and ugly? I feel the need to grovel at a womens feet and tell her that I will treat her like a princess and answer to her every call.

Bonus points if you are that fat ugly chick that I see every day. I have no skills, am not decent looking so I am aiming for something around my level.
I've gotta stick with my level.

PS, my balls have not dropped yet and I am very unsuccessful with the ladies, and I don't have a clue what I'm talking about.

He gets letters:

"Too freaking funny!!!"

"I randomly saw your AD and thought I'd say Hi. My name is ***** and if you'd like to know more about me, please check out http://profiles.yahoo.com/********. It has pictures and links about me."