Dear Every Girl That Passes Me By On The Street

Just like me, another hopeless romantic, shouts out on Missed Connections...(permalink).

Blame it on the few drinks that I've had, or maybe it's because I wasn't breast fed as a baby, or that I have don't have a firm grasp on what society calls "boundaries." I keep checking this site only to be disappointed each time.

So this missed connection goes out to you darling. You're the girl who glared at me when I stared at your chest in the bookstore. Don't mistake my staring at your chest as a subtle form of trying to rip your panties off. I'm just imagining you naked, I promise, nothing more.

This connection is for the girl at the bar the other night that was angry with me because I was talking to her breasts. "Hello, my face is up here," she said. Honey, I know where your face is.

This is also for the woman last week who I helped with her groceries when she dropped them in front of me. Both of us bending over, I got a good look down your blouse, yum!

Here's looking out for a great pair... though I also appreciate a firm buttocks!

He gets letters:

"Hi,

don't get your hopes up. I'm none of the girls you just mentionned, but I couldn't help saying hello and good for you...:o).

I never understood that scene in the movie where the girl says: "hello! my face is up here".

As a rule, we (women) like to be noticed and appreciated by men, even the ones we wouldn't deign talk to.

I bet you anything that those girls were secretely pleased and checked out their boobs (with a knowing little smile) the first chance they found themselves in front of a mirror... It's what I would've done. But then, I don't have men staring down my blouse... I shouldn't complain however; they make up for it staring up my face...:)

Cheers, and good luck".

this may upset ppl with enormous man crushing gigantic breast

Challenged speller, boob lover, seeks seeks women who don't have boobs of A-cup or less(?) to fulfill fantasy(?) (permalink)...

but please ppl with enormous man crushing gigantic breast don't send me emails calling me names like, for example, sexist small breast liker or chauvinist piggie admirer of smaller non-man crushing gigantic breast and what not...
any ways,
I want to meet someone with with smaller breast. I know this sounds a bit weerd but just hear me out first...

It's just that the last several women Ive been with have all had enormous man crushing gigantic breast, i.e. they were overstocked in the breast dept. I beleave I was man crushed by all their breast...

normally I do not care about getting man crushed (obviously) but I am actually a bit picky about the physical qualities of my women (I like attractive and thin), but after a while I would like to meet someone who plays to my fantasies a bit, is that really so wrong? Im only human after all...

I'm not asking for women with non-enormous, non-man crushing non-gigantic breast.

I promise Im not a creep and Im not bad to look at., I have pictures to back it up. but only if you have pics too (face pics). Right now I have a pictures of a foot to show how endowed I am in my foot.

Just watch me dance the YMCA

Self-professed nice guy seeks attractive woman to watch him engage in an act of self-love. You'll be amazed by his ejaculate (permalink).

Hello,

I am a very nice professional guy. I am looking for a girl that wants to watch. Yes watch. I love to dance the YMCA and want to have a beautiful girl watch me. I put some Village People on the stereo and just sort of lose myself in the dance. You can feel free to do what you want too, even masturbate. Heck I don't mind. I have my own apartment and am extremely friendly person. This might sound bizarre but it really is exciting. Did I mention that I was nice and friendly?

Send a photo and we can arrange from there. I have not dance in 3 days and you will be surprised at enthusiasm.

Cheers

Michigander in DC. Whines. Holds his breath to get his way.

It's been a while since my last post. I haven't had much time to read craigslist this Summer, but noticed this young fetishist. Spanking anyone? (permalink).


I just moved down to DC from Michigan, oh I'd say about 10 years ago, but I am already starting to what DC has to offer. The weather is quite a bit warmer than I'm used to and my collection of flannel shirts and hats with furry ear flaps has proven to be useless. I am looking forward to colder temperatures tho haha, or as we say in Michigan, Geez-o-pete! I've been going out with friends all the time lately - we checked out Capitol Hill, Dupont, Adams Morgan, and Mt. Pleasant. Out of those places the bars I've liked the more have been Angles, Tryst, Tonic, and the Diner for pancakes. In my spare time I like to read and watch movies and go to concerts. I am a full time employed person in Falls Church (but live in DC) so that keeps me busy most of the time. And finally, as I'm sure you already noticed from the headline, I am whiny and hold my breath until I get my way. Or pass out. Much like a two year-old. I can throw a tantrum if your prefer, throwing my body on the ground and screaming myself red while I beat my fists on the floor and kick my legs up and down.

About you: First and foremost, you should be intelligent, beautiful, liberal, sense of humor, bangin' bod (as I like those sorts of things). Any sense of humor is appreciated (sarcasm included). Bonus points if you are younger than me (I'm way too immature for a woman close to my age). Even more bonus points if you live close (I'm lazy). Further rack up some bonus points if you are free Wednesday night, like Rilo Kiley (or are curious), and don't have tickets to the Rilo Kiley concert at the 9:30 Club. We could get chili dogs at Ben's before (who says I don't know how to wine and dine a lady!).

Unbind Me

I just don't know what to say about this guy, except for "for the love of god, please learn correct punctuation" (permalink).

Hi there! I'm an easy going, laid back, outgoing, and sometimes even spontaneous. I like to eat food. I recognize the importance of water in keeping hydrated. I travel to nice places, dance the YMCA, and exude a pleasant odor (though I cannot say the same thing about my apartment). Near perfect strangers tell me personal things about their vaginas. I guess that means I am easy to talk to or something. I have a passion for sex and I can measure my penis in inches ( 3 in all ).

I am currently single, but a little tied up at the moment. I am looking for someone to unbind me before I die of thirst. Help?

SWM wants two women

My two woman fantasy!

I've had lots of great fun through the years with one woman, but have never been with two women at the same time. I don't consider myself kinky or anything. I just have been thinking about this more and more, and would LOVE to finally experience this. Call it a fantasy or something. It starts like this: One woman is cleaning my apartment, because it is very dirty. Another woman is cooking me dinner. Neither of these women are nagging me to get off the couch and stop watching TV, go to the gym and get in shape, wishing that I made more money, had a better job, better apartment, nicer car, bigger penis, liked musicals, chick flicks, and all the other things women want from their men. Also, there is no drama between the two of them. They actually like one another and aren’t competitive the normal way women can be.

So...if you are a great looking single woman with a girlfriend (or you and your great looking twin sister!!!) who is as hot as you are, this educated fella wants to get together with you soon. My apartment is really dirty and I am very hungry! Please send a photo with your response.

I'd like to soil you. Or me. I can never get this one straight...

Im a 37 SWM, happy, snappy, not (sometimes) nappy but crappy, and oops, kind of sappy. I'm easy on the eyes, legs, and shoulders. It'll be easy going down on me, looking for friendship and romance is good, but I like a pulse. I wanna to soil you and you'll get the same in return!

I have lots of pictures to exchange...

Looking for my REAL DOLL™ who will do what I want SEXUALLY - Asian

A friend put it better than I ever could:

"I'm surprised that he didn't just go ahead and tell us what her perfect woman's name should be. Talk about picky. I see what he gets out of this, but what is he offering the perfect woman, beyond the opportunity to cook, clean up after him and cater to his every sexual whim...I particularly like that should the woman of his dreams insist on working after the first date, accounting would be a good field...."

Accounting? (permalink)

I am looking for a committed relationship with a REAL DOLL™. She is always committed to doing everything I want whenever I want. She will be cute with large breasts and purple hair and Asian. Her skeletal system will be too flexible and collapsible to allow her to stand upright and she'll have the poise and relaxed state of a sleeping girl. My special girl will have "natural" looking silicone rubber skin that can withstand over 400 degrees of heat without melting, and she will be able safely support over 400 lbs though I am much thinner than that. Where are you, baby?

Attractive, athletic SWM seeks Sexy younger lady with awesome buttocks

Ick. This guy wants you to be as old as his mom and for both of you to find the worship of your older mom boobs kinky. Ick. (permalink).

Hello, How are you ? Thanks for reading.

I'm looking for a sexy younger lady with nice firm buttocks. I love to watch as you bend over in a short skirt and ogle your young firm buttocks snuggled in silky underpants. I draw down your silky underpants with my hands or teeth or feet or something. Your buttocks are firm as I grasp them in my manly man-hands. I knead your buttocks. Look at me, I’m making bread! I then slap your buttocks as I wound a pair of bongos. I’m playing “Black Magic Woman” by Carlos Santana on your young firm buttocks! You love your buttocks to be kneaded and played like bongos. You may be young and that my playing your buttocks like bongos turns you on in a kinky way. You can't wait to get undressed in front of me to show me your young firm buttocks
You have fantasies about letting me knead and slap your buttocks. I am an attractive, 6'tall SWM in Adams Morgan.

Helpful questionnaire to forward to me pertaining your young firm buttocks and my possibly kneading and playing your young firm buttocks like a bongo…

Hi! I have
young firm buttocksolder firm buttocksnot so firm buttockssaggy buttocks

I would like you to
ogle my buttocksplay my buttocks like a bongowho is Carlos Santana?knead my buttocks like you were making breaddo all of the abovesex instead of kneading and bongoing

and I want to meet you
at my placeat your place

So that you can
ogle my buttocksplay my buttocks like a bongoagain, who is Carlos Santana?knead my buttocks like you were making breaddo all of the abovesex instead of kneading and bongoing

And of course you have to copy and paste this into your email.

Eproctophiliac Seeks Taco Bell Date

Another Fetish Guy (permalink).

Do you like eating lots of refried beans and have someone smell you farts? Do you have trouble finding guys that will tolerate your flatulance? Well, I'm all about your sweet, sweet butt gasses. YOUR farts. Let me breathe them in deeply, let me savor them like the bouquet of a fine wine. Either way, I will help you enjoy yourself to your hearts content.

No reciprocity is seeked. No other sexual contact wanted. (Maybe some kissing is okay, but up to you.) Let me feast upon your gassy boutiforous emanations.

I'm a 37 year old, clean professional white male. You should be clean, classy, and highly gassy. Marital status, race, age are all unimportant to me.

Write me soon! Serious people only please. No Beano. No freaks.

i want to play poker with Jesus and his disciples

More I want. I want. I want (permalink).

I just saw the Da Vinci Code and was thinking how cool it would be to kick it with Jesus and a six-pack of Corona.

i want to be a Hulk-like creature that terrorizes teletubbies

I want. I want. I want (permalink).

I really hate those little fuckers.


He gets letters:

"Indeed, an entire generation has been damaged by the teletubic scourge upon our nation!"

Leaving work early, I want to munch on some beaver

MWM hungry for pussy (permalink). I hunger for beaver...


170 lb, 6'1" white guy, home alone later today, very hungry!

Do you like your man hairy?

Shout out to hairy men everywhere (permalink).

Sexy 70s hairy man here looking for a gal that appreciates a hairy guy. I have very soft back hair that you could rub your fingers through and maybe even cornrow after we are done with the hours of super hot and sweaty man on woman lovemaking that we will be doing if I sound like someone you would like to hit up for bedroom fun. Think of me as your own personal human sweater.


He gets letters:

" eeeeewwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Looking for a Woman Beautiful on the Inside as She is on the Outside

Of course I'll want to make sure...



He gets letters:

"LMAO too cute.....at least its not the COLD metal variety!"

"have no idea what your game is but your post cracked me the hell up! thanks for the laugh."

~flagged and removed by the craiglist community~

Fantasy

So many fantasies...(permalink).

I am a single guy but also have this fantasy that involves having sex with an attractive woman before I die.

Are you one of them?

For the love of God, deflower me….


He gets letters:

"Hi, I was bored and reading craigslist. i just wanted to say hi and that you're cute, i seriously cant believe that you're a virgin. well ok, bye"

Did You Ever Want Your Own ATM????!!!!

New fetish in da house...word (permalink).

Not a problem.

Just swipe your card in my ass and out from my mouth pop crisp twenty dollar bills. No foolin'.

A $2.00 convenience fee may apply.

Fraught with rich orgasmy goodness

Many thanks to a colleague in snark for pointing out this loser (permalink)...

A connoisseur of bed music and intense man on woman sensuosity.

I'll play you like "Hambone" Lewis from Will Shade's Memphis Jug Band. Using your vulva as an embouchure, I'll blast out tunes like “The Lindberg Hop,” “The Gator Wobble,” and “Insane Crazy Blues” by buzzing my lips directly into it. Your vagina will become a resonating chamber to amplify and enrich the sound made by my lips. I have about a two octave range.

Sure I know a thing or two about making music using reproductive organs, but you wouldn't want a guy that's going play your crotch like a jew's harp.

I like thin and cute, boob size unimportant. Music lovers appreciated.

Don't be shy!

looking for females

Am I hot or not (permalink).

i'm 37 years old 6’1” 169 pounds vietnamese ppl said that i'm hot.

Let's eat pancakes and take a bath together!

Let's unwind (permalink)... Ok, so that is NOT my tub.

Are you totally stressed out and looking for a great way to get relaxamalicious with a complete stranger and be naked at the same time? I'm loads of fun and spontaneous guy who's always up for eating pancakes and bathing!

I'm getting the bath water ready. Soothing. Warm. Sensual. Candles. Mr. Bubble. A nice stack of pancakes. Ready to join me? I've got candles and and the syrup nice and hot.

Please send me an e-mail and let's eat some pancakes together in the tub.

I look foreard to hearing from you very soon! :)

No freaks.

He gets letters:

" EWWWWWW...look at that grungy tub...you're nasty and good luck finding someone to get in that gross tub with you. "