Dear Every Girl That Passes Me By On The Street

Just like me, another hopeless romantic, shouts out on Missed Connections...(permalink).

Blame it on the few drinks that I've had, or maybe it's because I wasn't breast fed as a baby, or that I have don't have a firm grasp on what society calls "boundaries." I keep checking this site only to be disappointed each time.

So this missed connection goes out to you darling. You're the girl who glared at me when I stared at your chest in the bookstore. Don't mistake my staring at your chest as a subtle form of trying to rip your panties off. I'm just imagining you naked, I promise, nothing more.

This connection is for the girl at the bar the other night that was angry with me because I was talking to her breasts. "Hello, my face is up here," she said. Honey, I know where your face is.

This is also for the woman last week who I helped with her groceries when she dropped them in front of me. Both of us bending over, I got a good look down your blouse, yum!

Here's looking out for a great pair... though I also appreciate a firm buttocks!

He gets letters:

"Hi,

don't get your hopes up. I'm none of the girls you just mentionned, but I couldn't help saying hello and good for you...:o).

I never understood that scene in the movie where the girl says: "hello! my face is up here".

As a rule, we (women) like to be noticed and appreciated by men, even the ones we wouldn't deign talk to.

I bet you anything that those girls were secretely pleased and checked out their boobs (with a knowing little smile) the first chance they found themselves in front of a mirror... It's what I would've done. But then, I don't have men staring down my blouse... I shouldn't complain however; they make up for it staring up my face...:)

Cheers, and good luck".

Men Suck...

Hello. My name is XXXX and I am an ass. Hi XXXX! (permalink).

I know this as a fact because I indeed am a man. I am highly educated, independently wealthy, and in superb physical condition. You might call me a sophisticate. I know how to spell big words like salubrious and sebaceous, know what they mean, and can use them in a sentence:

The man considered himself salubrious in spite of the numerous sebaceous cysts growing from his neck.

I expect a lot from a woman I court and I will not tolerate being second or third. I expect this woman to be sufficiently commodious to my wants and needs and to be respectfully worshipful of yours truly. You will know every thought as it crosses my mind because I have no impulse control or boundaries. If you displease me once, you are reprimanded. If you displease me twice, you are history. If you think you are attractive and have a great body and can please me the way a man deserves to be pleased by an attractive woman with a great body then you may respond. Please don't waste my time and yours if you don't have the goods: 1) attractiveness, 2) great body, 3) firm buttocks {see #2}. Pics necessary for response. If you don’t have firm buttocks don't even think about it. I like firm buttocks. Also include in your response language praising me in two different ways. This should be the easy part.

No freaks.

He gets letters:

"good one dude."

" bananahammock strikes again!"

"Men suck...and you are right, they do. They suck toes, pussy, titties, and if you can find they right one they will suck your ass too! Damn, I miss a good man!"

ANY COMMENTS ON THESE PICS?-SEXAMLICIOUS SWM

I'm too sexy for, hmm, let's see: my shirt, this candelabra over here, this tire that I'm holding up, this towel wrapped around my waist, and I guess, underpants that don't cover my butt crack (permalink).

I decided to post the following pics because I am feeling sexamalicious today...grrrrr.

I am looking for young, hot, fit arm-candy. Please send a recent full length pic with your reply.

What do I mean by fit? Skinny with any-sized boobs up around your neck and firm buttocks.

What do I mean by full length pic? A pic so that I can ascertain the truthfulness of your skinniness and the firmness of your buttocks.

I'm attracted to women with firm buttocks.

Thanks for stopping by.

Free $10 Dollar $tore Shopping Spree

Whiskypants puts me up to another one as Kayla reminds me that pleated pants are out, even though I pointed out they make splendiferous crotchmosphere when I sit down. Oh yea, some big spender (permalink) wants to take some lucky lady on a $100 Victoria's Secret shopping "spree"...

If you're interested in getting ten dollars worth of absolutely free, no strings attached crap like plastic flip-flops that make your feet hurt or Glow In The Dark Dinosaur and Star Stickers or Easter Basket Grass or a pack of 6 Pairs of Black Shoelaces or a 4 " Deluxe Paint Brush from the Dollar $tore, let's meet at the Springfield Mall Dollar $tore. I have a $10 bill just burning a hole in my pleated khaki Dockers® and I'm feeling generous. You don't have to do a damn thing except show up and let me walk around with you while you shop. I might try touching you or ask you to do something of a sexual nature while you shop. I have a “problem” with boundaries and keeping my hands to myself.

Fear not: this is safe, public, and open... and I'm not a weirdo. Really, would I lie about something like that? I'm actually nice-looking. Please send photos and have nice firm buttocks.

Let's get you some free crap!