Free $10 Dollar $tore Shopping Spree

Whiskypants puts me up to another one as Kayla reminds me that pleated pants are out, even though I pointed out they make splendiferous crotchmosphere when I sit down. Oh yea, some big spender (permalink) wants to take some lucky lady on a $100 Victoria's Secret shopping "spree"...

If you're interested in getting ten dollars worth of absolutely free, no strings attached crap like plastic flip-flops that make your feet hurt or Glow In The Dark Dinosaur and Star Stickers or Easter Basket Grass or a pack of 6 Pairs of Black Shoelaces or a 4 " Deluxe Paint Brush from the Dollar $tore, let's meet at the Springfield Mall Dollar $tore. I have a $10 bill just burning a hole in my pleated khaki Dockers® and I'm feeling generous. You don't have to do a damn thing except show up and let me walk around with you while you shop. I might try touching you or ask you to do something of a sexual nature while you shop. I have a “problem” with boundaries and keeping my hands to myself.

Fear not: this is safe, public, and open... and I'm not a weirdo. Really, would I lie about something like that? I'm actually nice-looking. Please send photos and have nice firm buttocks.

Let's get you some free crap!