allcaps... A-L-L-C-A-P-S!!!

If allcaps wasn't bad enough, he's not even coherent....(permalink). Oh, and a shout out to Velvet in Dupont who was the inspiration for the "sit on my face fetish." And no, not the way you'd normally think...

I OFTEN WONDER HOW MANY PENNIES IT WOULD TAKE TO REACH FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOON, STACKED LIKED PANCAKES BUT ALSO STACKED “END-TO-END” AND WHAT THE DIFFERENCE IN THE AMOUNT OF PENNIES YOU’D NEED TO DO IT BOTH WAYS. I ALSO OFTEN WONDER WHAT HEADING WOULD ATTRACT THE MAIN HOTTIE CRAIGSLIST LADIES..

(TOO BAD THIS THING DOESNT HAVE A MAIN HOTTIE METER ON IT TO SEE HOW MANY MAIN HOTTIES RESPOND)

OK BUT SINCE I HAVE YOU HERE.. MAYBE THIS WILL DROP THE NUMBERS BY ME SAYING..

**I'M AMERICAN (THIS MEANS I LIKE MY MEALS TO BE IN LARGE PORTION FORMAT; I WATCH A LOT OF TELEVISION; I’M XENOPHOBIC; I SPEAK LOUDLY, ESPECIALLY IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES THAT DON’T USE ENGLISH AS THEIR OFFICIAL LANGUAGE IN HOPES I WILL BE UNDERSTOOD; I BELIEVE THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION ARE SOMEWHERE IN THE NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, OR WEST OF BAGHDAD..)

**I BELIEVE IN ALL-CAPS; AND SO DID THE ROMANS..

**WHY WOULD YOU DESIRE A GOOD MAN AND THEN GO OFF WITH SOME GUY WHO FETISHIZES YOU SITTING ON HIS FACE OR SOME GUY WHO WANTS TO LICK YOUR FEET? IS IT JUST ME OR WOULDNT IT BE APPARENT THAT THE GOOD MAN WOULD WANT SOME QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR THIGHS WRAPPED AROUND HIS HEAD WHILE YOUR SITTING ON HIS FACE OR LICKING YOUR FEET? TASTE IS SUBJECTIVE! LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN..

** THERE IS SO MUCH THAT CAN BE SHARED – LIKE GOOD TIMES, DISEASES, THE TOE NAIL CLIPPINGS I COLLECT, AND OTHER SUCH STUFF..

**LOOK I FULLY EXPECT FOR THE MAIN HOTTIES TO BE LOOKING HERE FOR A DATE. SO AS FOR MY SPECIFACATIONS AS TO WHO SHOULD RESPOND, I WOULD SUGGEST TO FEEL FREE TO DO SO IF YOU ARE A MAIN HOTTIE?

**I DO REALIZE THAT FOR YOU TO EVEN BE ON THIS SITE - READING INTO A HEADLINE SUCH AS MINE - HAVING MADE IT THIS FAR THROUGH THE BULLSHIT MEANS THAT MAYBE YOU ARE REALLY REALLY REALLY DESPARATE. I MEAN REALLY DESPARATE; MAYBE YOU AND I ARE ON THAT UNIQUE UNDERSTANDING..

MY BALLS ARE IN YOUR COURT. WILL YOU HIT THEM BACK? BE GENTLE..

YOU CAN BE THE PERSON THAT I DONT SIMPLY HIT ON IN BARS OR THE METRO OR THE 42 BUS, THE ONES THAT I SAY THINGS LIKE, “HEY, DID YOU CLEAN YOUR PANTS WITH WINDEX? I CAN PRACTICALLY SEE MYSELF IN THEM,”

I DON’T END SENTENCES WITH PREPOSITIONS, THEREFORE YOU CAN BE THE PERSON THAT I KNOW HOW AND WHERE TO GET A HOLD OF, BIATCH!