Can you handle my version of man on woman sensuality?

On days when there is nothing particularly mock-worthy, or the thougth of perusing M4W makes me throw up a little in my mouth butI have time to write a post, I write these Mark Leyner inspired numbers....


I’m sitting here at my keyboard digesting my lunch. Panda-burger with cheddar, lightly dusted with Goat Anti-Rat Growth Hormone Polyclonal Antibodies. No bun. Listening to Rilo Kiley. The vocal stylings of Jenny Lewis soothe my ‘roid rage. It’s the Deca-durabolin and the handfuls of PUMP TECH™ washed down with ISS Effervescent Creatine Orange and shots of Goldschlager that keep my body in top physical form.

Important meeting today. I’m in my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. Blue Armani frames with blue tinted glasses to better stalk my prey. At Farragut North I notice her. Red hair. Fair skin. Small nose stud. Once off the 42 I give her my Front Double Biceps, Front Lat Spread, Side Chest, Back Double Biceps, and signature Back Lat Spread. Too late. She’s walking away down I Street. Not too late, however, for the lovelies heading to work wherever. They whip themselves into a frenzied lather as they take it all in -- muscle mass, ripped definition, intensity, stamina, mental focus. I am barely able to make my way to the Farragut West metro station. I’ve got women hanging off my arms and legs as I walk toward the escalator, shaking them off of me one at a time

My meeting? Isaac Mizrahi has designed a line of flannel shirts with the arms pre-ripped off for yours truly and others who appreciate a good pump. I will be modeling them on runways from Paris to Milan to New York in part gratitude to Isaac Mizrahi for thinking of yours truly, in part as a cross promotional opportunity for MuscleTech® supplements, such as CELL-TECH™ and ACETABOLAN III®, and because high government officials in European countries are interested in importing my image and style.

Me you ask? High fashion. Total fitness and power. Product endorsement. Steroids. Posing for lovelies That is what I am about. And if you think you can handle the sublime beauty and hyper-erotic nature of my version of man on woman sensuality, you know where to get in touch.