Poorly Spoofed Mr. BananaHammock makes Mr. BannaHammock Rage

I generally don't mind when people poke fun at me. I have a pretty self-deprecating sense of humor. But when they write this bad (permalink), it kind of pisses me off. Oh yea, Mark Leyner homage.

While I am generally flattered that high government officials in European countries are interested in importing my image and style, and that some craigslisters co-opt my image and style for the purposes of seducing the lovelies (there are plenty to go around of course), I am not flattered when they copy it so poorly. I’m at work. I’m perusing craigslist. I’m in my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. A combination of Deca-durabolin and bad imposters sends me into a rage. With purpose I stand up and claw at my medallion of a Buddha Vitarka Mudra flanked by a couple of Bodhisattvas it bounces off my rock hard pecs. I pose. Front Double Biceps. It doesn’t quiet the rage. Front Lat Spread. It doesn’t quiet the rage. Back Double Biceps and I’m still raging. Following my signature Back Lat Spread, I figure I am beyond a good pump. I need to find my center.

Instead of a pump, I will hone my craft: the ancient and deadly art of Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate. I put on my kashmiri styled silk kurta-lehenga and enter the Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate dojo. I practice Snake-creeps-down-and performs-the-dance-of-the-Shakti and Golden-cock-stands-on-one-leg-Dhandia on the China Red Freestanding Wing Chun Dummy as I sing Tere Bina Zindagi Se:

Tere Bina Zindagi Se Koi, Shikva, To Nahin,
Shikva Nahin
Shikva Nahin, Shikva Nahin
Tere Bina Zindagi Bhi Lekin, Zindagi, To Nahin, Zindagi Nahin Zindagi Nahin,
Zindagi Nahin

Kash Aisa Ho Tere Kadamon Se, Chun Ke Manzil Chale
Aur Kahin Dur Kahin
Tum Gar Saath Ho, Manzilon Ki Kami To Nahin
Tere Bina Zindagi Se Koi, Shikva, To Nahin, Shikva Nahin

I don’t know what the words mean, but the sound will truly frighten any opponent.

Me you ask? Big chunky jewelry on men. Superior posing. Steroids. Martial arts. That is what I am about. And if you think you can handle my superior display of masculine prowess, please look me up. Your pic gets mine.