Dinner on me?

Dinner on me! (permalink).

I made a very nice chunk of change this morning selling egg cartons decorated with glitter and various colored pipe cleaners on eBay (I make them at home in the evening). I'm looking to celebrate my newly-earned fortune with someone special by treating some lucky lady to drinks and a spaghetti dinner at some point in the not-too-distant future or you can come over to my house and watch a DVD and I’ll make you a spaghetti dinner.

I'm 6’0”, 170 lbs, and I like to think that with me there is possibly no room for improvement...You will probably have a hard time keeping your hands to yourself even without alcohol. Don’t worry, I won’t play too hard to get. I’ll even respect you afterward.

All I ask is that you be super hot, respond with a pic, and be ready to have sex with me. Like I said, don’t worry, I won’t play too hard to get. I’ll even respect you afterward.

I'm choosing who I'm treating, and no, I am not 2.

Leaving work early, I want to munch on some beaver

MWM hungry for pussy (permalink). I hunger for beaver...


170 lb, 6'1" white guy, home alone later today, very hungry!

Chilled Monkey Brains Tonight

Because I'm not in the mood for sushi (permalink).

Is there a fun, cute, easy going lady out there intersted in getting some chilled monkey brains tonight? If so, please email me back for more about me and a photo.

Dinner and Drinks? I've got a coupon!

Does cheap work?

I received a coupon in the mail today. $10 off a dinner at I Ricci! I'm bored hanging out at the same bar with the same friends drinking the same beer and listening to the same music on the same jukebox and would like to do something different. Maybe some coupon-related dining. I'm single, and I would like to hang-out with a cute girl for dinner and drinks between now and the end of August. The coupon is good through August. I'm 37, white, edgy, I have a professional job, I'm dark and broody and fun. If you're interested, feel free to email me back and tell me a little about yourself (a picture would be nice too). This offer, much like my coupon, will expire soon.

Bad Poetry Thursday: Chipati of my Youth

Here's a shout-out to any Michigan Alumni, Ann Arborites, or like me, both!

Chipati of my Youth

October 3, 1990
East and West Germany are reunited
3:00 AM the streets are quiet in Ann Arbor
The Diag bathed in moonlight
Careful! Don’t step on the M!
You won’t graduate.

Strolling home from a night of clubbing
Alternative Night! Nectarine Ballroom!
DJ Tom Simonian!
I feel a hunger deep in the pit of my soul
Pizza House! Pizza House!
Open until 4:00AM
And they deliver
Chipati.

Fresh baked whole wheat pita
Stuffed with nature’s bounty
Crispy lettuce, green pepper, sweet red pepper,
Mushroom, tomato
Feta? Add two dollars
Sauce on the side.

The mysterious sauce still haunts me
16 years later
This sauce, bathing my veggies
Soaking into my fresh baked pita
Tangy and hot and red
Sensory overload.

Oh Chipati
Oh glorified salad-in-a-pita
Served with mysterious red sauce on the side
You have many fans
Some enthusiastic
Some still in the closet
We wonder what black art created thee

Alchemy? It must be
You, saucy red enigma
Give forth your secrets
Unveil your magical olfactory melange
Of what are you made?
Ranch dressing, Frank’s RedHot Sauce,
And the philosopher’s stone…
Ketchup

He gets letters:

"I grew up in Ann Arbor. Haven't thought about the Nectarine Ballroom since I was... oh... 17. Thanks for the nostalgia injection."

"umm. what does all this mean?" (with pic attached)

My tongue is DRY, And I'm out of Gatorade®

Here's to you, Mr. All-You-Can-Eat-Crotch-Buffet (permalink). Could he really be in search of the elusive vag potato?

hey you lovely lovely ladies in wdc. if anybody wants hang out with a guy, who doesn't understand grammar and proper punctuation: also doesn't use proper capitalisation; and writes some words in the english way rather than the american way. also to get involved with a man who likes to make motorboat noises when you are straddling my face. the programme is this: the recitation of the alphabet when my tongue is sticking out when the sushi buffet is open, sorry to be so blunt about it; sushi! sushi! sushi! albacore and eel, why don't you sit on my face and give me a meal? you won't regret it. no freaks.

He gets letters:

"I love you Mr. Banana Hammock!"

"your posts are hilarious - I hope you find someone that appreciates that"

Mr. Banana Hammock LOVES Guinea Pigs Too!

This guy also likes cavies...but not as much as me.

As you can see from the pictures below, I too love adorable lil guinea pigs :) Their soft soft fur, the charming squeaking sound they make, the taste of their tender flesh. Seeking the LOVE of a woman who loves them too!

I'm 36, a former policy wonk in DC, single, 6'1" tall. I have lived/studied overseas, active in sporting events like beer pong, extreme eating, and bungie motocross. I also like to reenact future events and am writing a novelization of the “Chronicles of Narnia” films which I hope to sell to Double Day or Regnery. I live in a community of poets, artists, drunkards, imbeciles, and NIMBY yuppies.

Seeking a skinny single woman with big boobs who is caring & loving, and who also loves cavies like I do. (guinea pigs). :) :) Mr. Banana Hammock :) :)



He gets letters:

"too. damn. funny."

"My stomach hurts from laughing so hard. That is absolutely brilliant. :-) You have made my day and then some!"

"Mr banana hammock, I just love you- your posts help me through the painful workday. Thanks!!"

"That is Awful!!!!"

"Im so glad you're back. I was worried you had gone and found love or something! Another great parody! Interesting factoid, I actually rode in a carpool today with the Guiniea Pig Historical re-enactor, and I am oddly compelled to help him with a better picture. But I never do. Happy to see your hilarity return! Well done spacechap!"

Clams Casino. Who was he?

Who was General Tso's Chicken? Really.

Hi.

So, who was Clams Casino? I enjoy seafood, but no one at any restaurant is able to give me a story that sounds legit. Do you know? It's a pretty weird name.

Me:

6'1"
170 lbs
Erudite
Grown in a specially prepared nutrient medium
Slutty
Ad-ventureful
Sense of Smell
'Mericun



He gets letters:

Just wanted to say your post was the only one today that made me laugh out loud. (That is saying a lot, your stiffest competition coming from "If you're crazy and you know it e-mail me " and " fuck brad i wount toss you out for bigger tits - 27 (". Anyone who describes themselves as Slutty and Ad-ventureful is probably rather wonderful as well. Good luck finding what you are looking for."

"so does this mean you read "brave new world"?"

Everything you need to know about me

Everything you need to know about this guy? He's hung like a horse. Everything you need to know about me?

I eat stuff.

Enough said.



He gets letters:

"looks like good eats"

"...the onion rings look good..."