Have I made it??

Yes. You sir have made it alright (permalink).

I went out last night, only to be confronted by very angry women, who were probably on their period or lesbians or feminists or something.....I'm a human being after all....we make mistakes......why can't people realize that? It's not like I seek out opportunities to hurt other people's feelings.

Anyway, I also went out to celebrate my new pay raise. I'm making like 7 figures (at least if you count the figures after the decimal point)....... a year. I'm the first person in my family to obtain a Masters Degree though my dad has an MD and my uncle has an honorary Ph.D. from his alma mater though his alma mater doesn't have an accredited graduate program (go figure), but it is a true statement that I'm the first person in my family to have a Master's Degree but those are frankly a dime a dozen in this town, but am I happy?....Umm....anyway, I'm talking to these angry man hating lesbian feminists who were out at the bar last night and were all extra mad and crampy because of their periods and I mention my seven figure salary and the fact that I'm totally highly educated and that I have a nice car and stuff and that I think that those jeans that they're wearing make their butts look big (all of their butts, mind you) and they cop attitude. What gives?

Anyway.... I'm not going out on the town anymore..... Only place I'll be going is around the town. Time to get in shape.... for a battle..... against militant crampy lesbian man-hating feminists.

TTFN

Looking for a one night stand that might lead to more.

Very high ick factor. Thanks, fellow in snark, for pointing this guy out to me (permalink). I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

MY RULES


1. First we soak in my champagne flute-shaped hot tub so this way we know we are each clean
2. We wear protection. I wear a raincoat. You wear galoshes
3. We climb into my big round rotating bed. It has satin sheets and mirrors so we can watch ourselves makin’ “it”
4. My sheet are clean except for a small blood stain which happened when I hit my head on my vanity while my bed was rotating…ouch that hurt
5. You live close to me because I’m lazy
6. You can spell finished. shepherd, and fetuses
7. You like indie rock and other forms of music
8. Hoobastank is not indie rock or even another form of music
9. You are not married
10. You’re a cute, intelligent, female of average to thin build
11. You wear socks under your galoshes (or not), it is up to you
12. If you’re answering any phone calls while we have sex I must not be doing something right
13. No answering the door while we have sex unless you are under 5’2” and 120lbs. I probably cannot carry more than that over a long distance while we are having sex
14. No mental cases who try to get a restraining order on me after I dump them. I broke up with you after all. Why would I bother stalking?
15. No other mental cases either. You know who you are
16. You can make smell of female funk in my apartment but keep in mind my apartment smells mostly of man funk and those Glade® PlugIns® things. I believe the current scent is “Suddenly Spring™” or something like that.
17. We will oral each other (or not). I’m big on rules.
18. After sex we can lie in bed and watch a DVD or something or order Chinese or pizza or sushi.
19. Email or phone ok
20. Picture appreciated
21. If you think I am handsome or something let me know. I like compliments
22. BONUS if you like guys who smoke. I’m trying to quit, but I’m not quite there yet. See #15 above
23. BONUS if you are a glasses-girl
24. BONUS if you are an indie rock girl
25. If you want to record, I’ve got a digital camera. I insist on writing the dialogue though
26. I’m won’t do the “bend-over-boyfriend thing” but you can stick your finger in my butt if you wish. I won’t try to guilt you about trying anal sex.
27. You don’t need to be perfect. I’m not. Though I prefer thinner women.
28. My coworkers called me self-absorbed the other day. I replied that it reminded me of the time where I was having sex in my rotating bed and I was checking out my hair in the mirrors and this girl said, “you are so self-absorbed.” Truth be told, we were making a movie with my camera and I thought that I wanted my hair to look good. I had written some great dialogue and I was filming this movie. I had forgotten to check my hair before I started to “roll film” and I was just making sure my hair looked good. What’s the big deal?

NUDE PICTURES SENT TO ME will be used in fantasy masturbation scenarios. Just warning you...

FWB's chicks only, no dudes.

This guy (permalink), in an attempt to be near the top of craigslist (maybe he's assuming that women aren't answering because they have to make an extra effort to scroll down?), reposts his ad about 4-5 times a day. Dumbass.

6'1” ft tall
168 lbs
34 inch waist
bangin' body
replete with sensuosity/passionicity
well cologned
loves oral - receiving

No drama, no issues, just me having commitment-free sex inside all of your orifices. Can you recognize my intimacy issues? Respect the fact that I will want you gone after the sex is over? Please be attractive with bangin' body. I am worth that much. Also please be hopeless romantic as I am. Responses with pictures will get the rest of mine in return.

He gets letters:

"Three things Slim: That sucked-in paunch of yours is way more than 34 inches around. Just because you weighed 168 pounds ten years ago doesn't mean you weigh that at present. You are actually worth squat, which is exactly what you're going to get."

"i LOVE you Mr. Banana Hammock!! please keep up the good work. mocking the reality-challenged."

"Whoever told you you have a bangin body lied. What cologne do you wear? Old Spice?"

"Brilliant! What a bloody riot! Hope you get responses. Keep me posted."

I'm funnier than your last date, he was a douchebag! I'm not gay

This guy (permalink) seems to really be insecure in his heterosexuality. I'm not sure what liking cats and Kelly Clarkson have to do with being gay, but he sure seems to think there is some connection. Maybe if one of his past times was destroying healthy Christian marriages?

Hey

Thanks for checking out my ad, a wiser decision could not have been made by you!

So here is a little about me:

I have been single for a while now, getting tired of trying to meet people on my morning commute and decided to try something different. Hoping to meet someone for friendship and maybe more.

I am a SWM, 6'1", in pretty good shape. I am originally from the midwest, but have lived out here a little more than 10 years.

Quick facts:
-Queer as Folk was my favorite show, but I'm not gay.
-My favorite food is brunch. I would kill for it and crave it every day, but I'm not gay.
-I have a Shih Tzu that I carry around everywhere, and am not gay
-I like show tunes, but freaking love ABBA, Pet Shop Boys, Kylie Minogue, Bronski Beat, Bette Midler, and Cher....I repeat, I am not gay
-I say in a rather loud voice "Abercrombie & Fitch is so OVER!" whenever I pass one of their stores...so not gay
-I am currently wearing an Aveda Tourmaline Charged Radiance Masque...not gay.
-I regularly bake ketamine for recreational use
-I love vodka gimlets and Chocolate Choo Choos. They taste like candy.

I am really a normal guy, with quirks like anyone else. Lets exchange emails and please attach your pic, I will reply with mine. If you dont reply, then the terrorists have won...not gay.

Take care, hope to hear from you soon.

Anyone Like uniforms?

 
NO GUYS!!! Really. NO GUYS!!

I am looking for a sexy female that knows what she wants and how to get it, and perhaps also has a broken dishwasher and how to get it fixed. I am a Maytag repairman, the loneliest person in the world and futher information can be transmitted should you decide to email me. I have attached a picture here, so emails with no picture will be deleted. Tell me a little about yourself. Can you handle me? NO GUYS!! muah ladies hope to hear from you soon. NO GUYS!!