He said, "to all my plus size hoes i luv you big hoes lets start a flame, hit me you plus size diva!"

I'm sure he got a date. I didn't when I introduced...

slim, petite hoes for me please...That's just how I roll...

He gets letters:

"Guess you can keep on rolling all alone, just like you are.

Didn’t your mama teach you respect for women? We don’t like to be called Hoes! Maybe if you didn’t consider women hoes, you would have one and or even better get something better than a hoe.

Hell, forget what I just said. Maybe you deserve a HOE.

Have a great life."

The only man in DC who cares only about sex

This self-proclaimed king of smartiosity attempts a humorous ad but it comes off a bit obnoxious. I've always found the self-deprecating humor works better in these situations. Otherwise you come off sounding like someone aspiring to alpha-male status (permalink). If the topic touches the nerve of a particular reader, well then, don't read me.


It seems that approximately 99% of the people on here use some sort of variation on that tired cliché "I'm looking for someone who likes me for me. Someone I can love who will love me back. I just want to be held." Stuff like that. Well, I suppose I'm looking for the same, only when I’m talking about like and love and holding, they’re just basically euphemisms for s-e-x. In short, I need someone who can keep up with me horizontally (or vertically or otherwise). Go ahead and send me hate mail for the following statement, calling me a lout, a pervert, “sex positive” and insensitive throw-back to an earlier era; and then praise the men of today as “in touch” with their “feminine side” and that is how you like your men; if you can't deal with honesty, that's your hang-up, not mine: I'm “sex positive.” I'm really, really really “sex positive” and I am more than just talking about being “sex positive.” I actually like doin’ it. I spend most of my day, each and every day, downloading barely legal porn. And masturbating. And it's exhausting. Truly exhausting. I'm on here, hoping that I can find a woman, a woman with a vagina, who wants me to stick my penis in her vagina and vice versa. Not that she would stick her penis in my vagina, but that she would want me to stick my penis in her vagina. You get the drift.

Okay, with that being said ... hi, hello, greetings and/or salutations, my name is Mr. BananaHammock. It is not a pseudonym, it’s my actual name. I am 38 years and change. I live in Adams Morgan. I'm your typical patent boutique law firm marketing manager who put himself through grad school by taking out a lot of personal loans. My parents actually paid them off so I guess that the statement “I put myself through grad school” is not entirely correct. I'm a bibliophile with a slight astigmatism in my left eye I think (I don’t have to wear glasses but started because I used to check out hotties in the distance walking up the street and as I approached they weren’t as hot as they seemed when they were blurry, sigh). Let's see, I'm not in therapy but probably should be. I seem to attract damaged women and rebound women and these relationships always seem to end weirdly. I read voraciously, sloth obsessively and I'm definitely outdoorsy he-man type. See below my deer hunting picture in full flannel.

My Ideal Person: Is “sex positive” in the sense that they like to act on that urge rather than talk about how “sex positive” they are. Also, my ideal person has a vagina. I like vaginas. I could never get tired of looking at vaginas. Maybe I should’ve been a gynecologist rather than a patent boutique firm marketing manager? That being said ... please be very well educated, be reasonably fit and attractive, and you must have an extremely dark sense of humor.

No relationship rebounders, crazies, commitment-phobes or psychos. I am no longer psycho-friendly.

He gets letters:

"Yes! You're back. We missed you on CL."

"Please, pleeeease do this guy. I think we chatted once or twice on salon.com personals before so I feel like I almost know you and can ask you this. "

Michigander in DC. Whines. Holds his breath to get his way.

It's been a while since my last post. I haven't had much time to read craigslist this Summer, but noticed this young fetishist. Spanking anyone? (permalink).


I just moved down to DC from Michigan, oh I'd say about 10 years ago, but I am already starting to what DC has to offer. The weather is quite a bit warmer than I'm used to and my collection of flannel shirts and hats with furry ear flaps has proven to be useless. I am looking forward to colder temperatures tho haha, or as we say in Michigan, Geez-o-pete! I've been going out with friends all the time lately - we checked out Capitol Hill, Dupont, Adams Morgan, and Mt. Pleasant. Out of those places the bars I've liked the more have been Angles, Tryst, Tonic, and the Diner for pancakes. In my spare time I like to read and watch movies and go to concerts. I am a full time employed person in Falls Church (but live in DC) so that keeps me busy most of the time. And finally, as I'm sure you already noticed from the headline, I am whiny and hold my breath until I get my way. Or pass out. Much like a two year-old. I can throw a tantrum if your prefer, throwing my body on the ground and screaming myself red while I beat my fists on the floor and kick my legs up and down.

About you: First and foremost, you should be intelligent, beautiful, liberal, sense of humor, bangin' bod (as I like those sorts of things). Any sense of humor is appreciated (sarcasm included). Bonus points if you are younger than me (I'm way too immature for a woman close to my age). Even more bonus points if you live close (I'm lazy). Further rack up some bonus points if you are free Wednesday night, like Rilo Kiley (or are curious), and don't have tickets to the Rilo Kiley concert at the 9:30 Club. We could get chili dogs at Ben's before (who says I don't know how to wine and dine a lady!).