Do you prefer smooth or chunky? (among other ponderables)

Deep thoughts and other idiocy...(permalink)

Myself, I prefer the latter, b/c has much more mouth feel and the possibility encountering chunky pieces of peanuts than smooth peanut butter. Let me explain.

Both chunky and smooth peanut butter can be an excellent component in, say, a peanut butter sandwich. However, I think chunky peanut butter represents its nature in a more true manner than smooth peanut butter.

It was Ferdinand de Saussure in his seminal treatise (heh, seminal) "Legume et Parole: Écrits de beurre de cacahuètes générale proposed that the connection between the signifier and the signified is arbitrary, and that peanut butter is innately chunky (though the mental concept "chunky" is just an arbitrary term used to describe peanut butter with hunks of peanuts suspended in the mix). Anyway, it is society that over-pulverizes it, making it smooth.

Some argue that smooth peanut butter is, the fully-realized product, and hence superior. However, they are flat out wrong. The implication of such an assertion is that the content of a product, its flavor, its enjoyability, its very soul, is improved by becoming entirely removed from its nature.

Thoughts?

And once you've finished that essay question, try this one.

If you could go back in time to 8 PM at any point in my life, and you are cooking me dinner, should I bring a bottle of red or white wine?

The only man in DC who cares only about sex

This self-proclaimed king of smartiosity attempts a humorous ad but it comes off a bit obnoxious. I've always found the self-deprecating humor works better in these situations. Otherwise you come off sounding like someone aspiring to alpha-male status (permalink). If the topic touches the nerve of a particular reader, well then, don't read me.


It seems that approximately 99% of the people on here use some sort of variation on that tired cliché "I'm looking for someone who likes me for me. Someone I can love who will love me back. I just want to be held." Stuff like that. Well, I suppose I'm looking for the same, only when I’m talking about like and love and holding, they’re just basically euphemisms for s-e-x. In short, I need someone who can keep up with me horizontally (or vertically or otherwise). Go ahead and send me hate mail for the following statement, calling me a lout, a pervert, “sex positive” and insensitive throw-back to an earlier era; and then praise the men of today as “in touch” with their “feminine side” and that is how you like your men; if you can't deal with honesty, that's your hang-up, not mine: I'm “sex positive.” I'm really, really really “sex positive” and I am more than just talking about being “sex positive.” I actually like doin’ it. I spend most of my day, each and every day, downloading barely legal porn. And masturbating. And it's exhausting. Truly exhausting. I'm on here, hoping that I can find a woman, a woman with a vagina, who wants me to stick my penis in her vagina and vice versa. Not that she would stick her penis in my vagina, but that she would want me to stick my penis in her vagina. You get the drift.

Okay, with that being said ... hi, hello, greetings and/or salutations, my name is Mr. BananaHammock. It is not a pseudonym, it’s my actual name. I am 38 years and change. I live in Adams Morgan. I'm your typical patent boutique law firm marketing manager who put himself through grad school by taking out a lot of personal loans. My parents actually paid them off so I guess that the statement “I put myself through grad school” is not entirely correct. I'm a bibliophile with a slight astigmatism in my left eye I think (I don’t have to wear glasses but started because I used to check out hotties in the distance walking up the street and as I approached they weren’t as hot as they seemed when they were blurry, sigh). Let's see, I'm not in therapy but probably should be. I seem to attract damaged women and rebound women and these relationships always seem to end weirdly. I read voraciously, sloth obsessively and I'm definitely outdoorsy he-man type. See below my deer hunting picture in full flannel.

My Ideal Person: Is “sex positive” in the sense that they like to act on that urge rather than talk about how “sex positive” they are. Also, my ideal person has a vagina. I like vaginas. I could never get tired of looking at vaginas. Maybe I should’ve been a gynecologist rather than a patent boutique firm marketing manager? That being said ... please be very well educated, be reasonably fit and attractive, and you must have an extremely dark sense of humor.

No relationship rebounders, crazies, commitment-phobes or psychos. I am no longer psycho-friendly.

He gets letters:

"Yes! You're back. We missed you on CL."

"Please, pleeeease do this guy. I think we chatted once or twice on salon.com personals before so I feel like I almost know you and can ask you this. "

Coca-Cola® and Pop Rocks®

Bored. A friend threw this one (permalink) over the transom. Craigslist is getting kind of weak...

I am looking for a smart, witty girl to share quite evenings eating Pop Rocks® and drinking Coca-Cola® in the twinkling city lights while our stomachs explode horribly.

I love my banter intellectual, my repartee witty and my women’s nether-regions shaved. For instance, I like to spend time discussing the number of pancakes it would take to make a stack of pancakes that could touch the moon, both stacked one on top of another AND stacked end-to-end, wondering if the addition of butter and syrup would change the number of pancakes in either instance, while I’m playing your crotch like a Jew’s Harp. I'm six one.

I’m into extreme banjo, time travel, and pubic hair topiary.

What do you like to do in your free time if you even have any (please say sex…please say sex…please say sex)?

He gets letters:

"Before I send you a picture, I was wondering how old you are and how old of a person you're looking for. I have a feeling I may be too young since I'm 18. I do enjoy talking about random fun things as well; like the purpose of tangelo's and how much you'd be worth in an auction. It's up to you if you want to reply."

"No freaks?? you surely sound like a freak yourself!!