∞ KOTEKA ∞ Top 10 cool things about wearing a koteka:

SWM, I don't get you...(permalink)

Top 10 things about wearing a koteka (for men):

10. When everyone is sweating in their business suits during those hot and humid DC summers, you'll be cool as can be
9. You never have to "stuff" again!
8. You can get a budgie and no one knows
7. You'll probably get a whole car to yourself on Metro
6. Perfect for those formal embassy events, well Papua New Guinea embassy events anyway
5. No one mistakes you for a fashion victim
4. Great for your wedding photos, Christmas cards, High School reunions, whatever!
3. If you wear a double penis gourd, held up with a strip of cloth, you can use the space between the two gourds for carrying small items such as money and tobacco
2. (insert your favorite one here... email me)
1. It got your attention!

Mr. BH honors the good work that Columbus did

I find myself having the day off. My superb memo went through regarding observing the Columbus Day holiday and the good work that Columbus did to bringing western culture and values to the native populations of this new world. Relaxing and reading the paper I take a sip of my glass of breakfast wine, naked and air drying, I take my morning supplement, Pump Tech™, which I can report has led to even better pumps, jacked up my Nitric Oxide levels, increased my vascular response, and has my muscles blown up like balloons.

I decide to figure out what to do with my day. Chilly morning, I slip commando-style into my Carla Behrle leather pants. Blue Armani flannel shirt with the arms pre-ripped off to accommodate my gigantic biceps. The shirt fits like a glove, taught across my ripped pecs. Armani has designed a series of flannel shirts with the arms pre-ripped off for yours truly and others who appreciate a good pump. I have modeled them on runways from Bethesda to Silver Spring to Rockville, in part out of gratitude to Armani for thinking of yours truly, and in part as a cross promotional opportunity for MuscleTech® supplements, such as CELL-TECH™ and ACETABOLAN III® since high government officials in Maryland are interested in importing my image and style. I put on my brown framed Jean LaFont frames with orange tinted lenses (to better stalk my prey), and head out of my Adams Morgan Compound.

I figure I'll stop off at Tryst for a half-caf-frap-mocha-something-or-another and entertain the waiting ladies with a series of poses: Front Double Biceps, Front Lat Spread, Side Chest, Back Double Biceps, and Back Lat Spread. My specially designed Armani flannel has just enough give and survives to poses. I wink with a double point with a trigger finger to a few swooning lovelies before walking back to my Adams Morgan compound.

Me you ask? High fashion. Total fitness and power. Product endorsement. Superior posing. Honoring dead guys with a day off. Dignity. That is what I am about. And if you think you can handle the sublime beauty and hyper-erotic nature of my version of man on woman sensuality, you know where to get in touch.

He gets letters:

"Not so much fun to read without your cute face at the bottom, Monsieur."

Mr. Banana Hammock Cares about the less fortunate

Chilly morning. After a hot shower and air dry I enjoy a double-cap-frap-half-caf-mocha-PowerBar and Heavy Weight Gainer 900. I slip into my Carla Behrle leather pants. Flannel shirt. The sleeves are ripped off at the shoulder to accommodate my gigantic biceps. What material remains is stretched thin and taught over my rock hard pecs. I take off for my morning commute from Farragut West to Dunn Loring.

The train is crowded this morning as I fumble with my briefing materials from my meeting with high officials in Maryland and this weeks issue of the "New Yorker" that I have been trying to finish for sometime now. I can’t help but notice one of the loveliest lovelies that I’ve encountered in a long time during my morning commute. I do my best to flex point and wink with a trigger finger but metro is very crowded. You? Pixie cut, creamy skin, and green velvet jacket, USAID ID, and funky shoes. I approve of the good work you do around the world for the people whose bodies are less developed than my own. If you want to experience my version of man on woman sensuality, please let me know. Me? Admiring you, my head bobbing in rhythm to music that only I can hear. Anyway, she gets off at Rosslyn and I don't get off at at all.

Before hitting the office, I hit the gym. Slip out of my Carla Behrle leather pants and flannel shirt and into my lime green banana hammock, apply some bikini bite, and get started. Preacher Reverse Curl, Seated Concentration Curl, Crossover Chest Fly, Pullover Crunch. Done, I hit the shower. I air dry. My body glistens as I practice my posedowns in the mirror -- total fitness and power, muscle mass, ripped definition, stamina, intensity, mental focus is what I see. It is what you would see too if you were in here with me.

Me you ask yourself? Total fitness and power. Looking good in a shirt. Admiring lovelies on the Orange line. Caring about those in the Third World whose bodies are less developed than my own. That is what I am about. And if you want to experience the raw and animalist man on woman sensuality that only I can provide (especially if you’re the lovely in the green velvet jacket), drop me a line.