“Contingency Planning” by Mr. Banana Hammock (not Omari)

Omari and I. Ladies men....(permalink)

Contingency planning is a must for the modern single guy. If you get a girl up to your apartment, you might want her to stay the night. So you can have sex in the evening AND the morning (provided of course you didn't bring her home from the bar really drunk, right? Then there's no morning sex, just the walk of shame). Anyway, planning for these possibilities requires that I keep a lot of things on hand that I don't ordinarily use or need, including more than one bath towel (what guy needs more than one bath towel????), girlie hair conditioner, girlie skin care products, extra toothbrushes, plenty of girlie toilet paper, and various beverages.

Girlie toilet paper? Yes, girlie toilet paper. And plenty of it. I've been in a couple of long term live-in relationships and I've lived by myself for long periods of time. And one thing I know for a fact is that women use gobs of toilet paper. I don't ask. I don't want to know. But I think I can make a roll of toilet paper last a week. Living with a woman, I doubt that roll will live for 2 days before it is gone. I don't get it, but I got plenty of girlie, Angel Soft toilet paper for your sensitive nether-regions. A fine grain sandpaper would be fine with me, but I'm thinkin' of the ladies.

Another thing you need? Lots of extra toothbrushes in different colors (so you can match a lady to each toothbrush and stash the rest when one of the others comes calling). Also you need conditioner. I don't quite get it. I never use the stuff. Um...ok, well I use it sometimes. But your lady is never going to stay the night if she, with her dry and damaged hair, isn't going to be able to condition her hair in the morning.

And then there's her skin. Maybe she comes over and her skin is all dry and full of impurities. Do you think she's going to stay over if you don't have some sort of treatment masque that can recover her youthful appearance? Something that maybe will rejuvenate her skin with alpha and beta hydroxy complex that will lift dead surface cells and complexion dulling impurities?? I think not.

Now for the beverages. Men like me know that girls like to drink girl-drinks. That's why I have a blender, blue curacao, crème de banana, and plenty of ice. So this lady had come over and was (ostensibly) considering spending the night. I knew this woman was fussy about her drinks. Anyway, she asked me if I could give her a “Climax.” I was like, “No problem, babe. I've got crème de banana! I could also make you a “Jamaican Banana” or even a “Yellow Strawberry” if you want. I've even got blue curacao, so if you'd prefer a “Blue Hawaiian” or a “Blue Lime Ghost,” I'm your guy!” She abruptly left. I'm not sure why.

Whether or not you're into girlie toilet paper, toothbrushes, or fancy girl-drinks, if you're a woman somewhere in the mid- to late-20s to mid-thirties, I'd like to hear from you. I like them thin and cute.

I added a photo of me in wearing some toilet paper. I think it makes me look sort of sexy....