It's too bad there isn't enough of me to go around

Yea! Another homage to Mark Leyner...

I wake up this morning thinking it was Saturday instead of Friday. Drat. Instead of cleaning my Adams Morgan compound I’ll be going to work. But first breakfast. Then the gym. For now, I’m unclothed and contemplating my body in the mirrors on the ceiling of my bedroom -- total fitness and power, ripped definition,intensity, stamina, endurance, mental focus.

Breakfast? Penguin eggs and macaque bacon. A glass of breakfast wine. I head down to Tryst to pick up a double-cap-frap-half-caf-mocha-something-or-another and head to the gym. I’m in my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. I jump the 42 to Dupont Circle and take the red line to Judiciary Square. I flex for the ladies on the platform. I hit them with a Front Abdominal-Thigh Isolation then move into a Back Double Biceps. I finish off with my signature pose, a Front Single Biceps while I point with my right hand at a special someone and give her a wink. Brown hair and blue eyes. I settle into my New Yorker, my head bobbing in rhythm to music only I can hear. She gets off at Metro Center.

I hit the gym. Slip out of my Carla Behrle leather pants and into my hot pink banana hammock, apply some bikini bite, and get started. Preacher Reverse Curl, Seated Concentration Curl, Crossover Chest Fly, Pullover Crunch. Done, I hit the shower. I air dry. My body glistens as I practice my posedowns in the mirror and I’m thinking that it’s too bad there is not enough of me to go around. Not all the lovelies in the Metro DC area can have a piece of this, but someone out there somewhere might.

I settle into my office. My chunky gold bracelet keeps clanging on the keyboard as I type. Why do I do this you ask? I can't leave the exploration of hot man on woman sensuality to the crude F&N poster, whoever the hell he was. And if you think you can handle the sublime beauty and hyper-erotic nature of what I have to offer, you know where to get in touch.

He gets letters:

"very good read - great visualization"