Easter by Mr. Banana Hammock (not Omari)

It seems a bit hollow to me that Jesus' dad let Jesus die for our sins. My sins? vodka, cigarettes, barely legal porn, and premarital sex. I don't count masturbation as a sin since the fundies started saying that you should worship your body like a temple and I've had to worship that temple a lot recently.

Easter is apparently named after the pagan goddess Eostre, an Anglo-Saxon maiden-goddess of fertility. Primitive cultures found this to be a very sacred and holy thing, and have honored Eostre in many ways down through recorded history. And, as one might expect, it has been invariably symbolized by the rebirth of a dead deity.

The name Eostre or Oestre in Latin apparently derives from the Greek, and has it's roots in a word that means "frenzy." We see this word again in English in "estrus," meaning a female mammal 'in heat' and able to conceive, and if anybody has encountered a female in estrus, let me tell you...they are frenzied.

In my family, Easter is a celebration of a certain animal from the family of leporids who leave chocolate candy and hard boiled eggs as treats. I don't eat chocolate generally so I generally gave them to my crazy sister. Also we color the hard boiled eggs. Later, before the ham dinner, we strip naked, go out in the woods, dance around a tree, and offer to dye the pubic hair of the young women that would walk by my house singing their fertility songs or regularly ranting about not "getting any."