Bringing My Image and Style to Maryland

So yesterday I was late for my meeting with the PR team. We finalized my travel plans to Maryland in October for a series of meetings with high government officials to consult on what I am known for: love, looking good, flair, and dignity. Seems that they want to import some of my image and style. My PR team figures that Wheaton, Silver Spring, and Rockville need it the most, looking good and flair that is. We don’t want to saturate the market with my image and style, and we don’t want to connect my image and style with just anything and everything. So we are careful.

Previously they were thinking: Hugger-Mugger Yoga Products, MuscleTech® supplements, such as CELL-TECH™ and ACETABOLAN III®, and feminine hygiene products. Now they are also thinking we should add outfit knock-offs from my collection of Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate competition gear: a kashmiri styled silk kurta-lehenga like the one that Karisma Kapoor wore in Baaz, a peacock green ghagra choli that similar to the one that Urmilia Matondkar wore in Deewangee, and a yellow bustier and with leopard print hipsters like Sushmita Sen wore in Tumko Naa Bhool Payenge. My head bobbing to the sound of music that only I can hear, I’m thinking: That should give the suburbs the flair they so desperately need.

It’s 5:15 PM so I am heading home. At Dunn Loring I get on the Orange line. Second car. I’m in my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. I do a Front Double Biceps, Front Abdominal-Thigh Isolation, Front Lat Spread combo, and I point and wink at a few lovelies. They are not disappointed. Me -- muscle mass, density, power, intensity, mental focus. I switch off at Metro Center to the Red line to Woodley Park. I pick up a bottle of Ouzo at Sherry's. I’m pretty sure I have enough Higher Power Creatine Monohydrate back at the compound to go along with it. Then off to El Safeway. I pick up a lion-cub tenderloin and Caesar Salad kit, and head home to my Adams Morgan compound for a well deserved night in.

Love, looking good, flair, muscle mass, and dignity. That is what I am about. And if you’re tired of the whiny codependent (or already married) milquetoasts of craigslist, you know where to find me. And like I continue to say and almost nobody ever does, drop me a line. What’s up with that anyway?