Inside the psyche of Mr. BananaHammock: My youth

I first got interested in bodybuilding back in 1978. At that time Mike Mentzer was rocketing up the bodybuilding ranks. I was pretty young. Elementary school. I wore my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. I was still working on my point flex wink at the lovelies on the swing sets and jungle gyms. Anyway, Mentzer won the 1978 Mr. Universe and became the first bodybuilder in history to get a perfect score from the judges. His last contest was the infamous 1980 Mr.Olympia, where Arnold himself came out of retirement. The rumor was that Arnold was tired of hearing Mike say that “Heavy Duty” was the only way to train, and that by beating Mike he would prove him wrong. Arnold won the contest even though he wasn't in top shape. Mike who was in better shape then the previous year only placed 5th, people yelled "FIX!", and Mike, fed up, retired from competition.

“Heavy Duty” was never my way though. I worked on my routine, cutting it to only three days a week and interspersed it with the ancient and deadly martial art Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate which got me to where I am today -- total fitness and power, muscle mass, density, ripped definition, intensity, stamina, mental focus, dignity.

My routine then was I’d get up at 6:30 AM. My body clock was the same then as it is now. Work out. Preacher Reverse Curl, Seated Concentration Curl, Crossover Chest Fly, Pullover Crunch. Practice my posedowns. Front Double Biceps, Back Lat Spread, Front Abdominal-Thigh Isolation.

Breakfast? Froot-Loops and Hybolin Decanoate. Shower. Air Dry.

I’d slip into my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. Head off for Lawton Elementary School in Ann Arbor. After school, I put on my kashmiri styled silk kurta-lehenga and mom would drive me out to the local Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate dojo, where I undertook intense training. Snake-creeps-down-and performs-the-dance-of-the-Shakti. Golden-cock-stands-on-one-leg-Dhandia. Learn songs to frighten our foes in combat. Songs like Tere Bina Zindagi Se.

Tere Bina Zindagi Se Koi, Shikva, To Nahin,
Shikva Nahin
Shikva Nahin, Shikva Nahin
Tere Bina Zindagi Bhi Lekin, Zindagi, To Nahin, Zindagi Nahin Zindagi Nahin,
Zindagi Nahin

Kash Aisa Ho Tere Kadamon Se, Chun Ke Manzil Chale
Aur Kahin Dur Kahin
Tum Gar Saath Ho, Manzilon Ki Kami To Nahin
Tere Bina Zindagi Se Koi, Shikva, To Nahin, Shikva Nahin

It was only later, at Huron High School, that I undertook study of man on woman sensuality which made me what I am today. Disciplined. Controlled. Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate master. Foremost expert in man on woman sensuality. That is what I am about. And if you think you got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette and are tired of MWM looking for BBW on craigslist, look no further.

He gets letters:

"I have read this post many times both in public, to friends, foes and to collegues... If you are as silly as I can only presume; then you and I need to meet immediately...if not sooner. : )"