It Has Been Almost Fourteen Whole Hours

It's been a year since I've gotten laid (permalink). Almost all of you reading this are ugly. You're all ugly. Why can't I get laid. Write back with a picture....

Dear Someone out there,

An epidemiological study of 30,000 American men by Michael Leitzman, a cancer researcher at the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, Maryland, has found that men who enjoy an active sex life do not risk prostate cancer in later life.

Leitzmann's found that men who ejaculate between 13 and 20 times a month had a 14% lower risk of prostate cancer that men who ejaculated on average, between 4 and 7 times a month for most of their adult life. Further, men who ejaculated upwards of 21 times a month had a 33% lower lifetime risk of prostate cancer.

I have not made love to anyone for almost fourteen hours now. I worry about my prostate health. This has to do with my unnatural fear of cancer and NOT my love of copious sex.

I'm average, 6'1” in 168 lbs. I am reticulated, mainstreamed, cultured in agar. I can't get any play because all of you reading craigslist are just SO DAMN UGLY. Inside and out. Looking to reduce my risk of cancer by 99%. I know this isn't actually scientific, but I figure from the study above, I can achieve this if I have sex 63 times a month. I have lube.

Write back with a picture.