A Special Pre-Holiday Greeting from Mr. Banana Hammock

Shout out to Mark Leyner, the Phantom of the Bordello, and all the little people that made this post possible....We did it Baby!

Important meeting later today. I put on Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. My nipples are hard from the chill morning air. Jean LaFont glasses with orange tinted frames to better stalk my prey. I head to the orange line, Farragut West to Dunn Loring, thankful that Spring has arrived.

Hitting the platform in stride I notice a plethora of lovelies. Cracking my neck, I give them my smoky stare with one eyebrow raised, oozing raw sexuality. I launch into a series of poses: Front Double Biceps, Front Lat Spread, Side Chest, Back Double Biceps, and signature Back Lat Spread. One woman faints. Another lunges at my banana hammock, her eyes wild and fixated on my bald-headed giggle stick. I brush her aside. I don't countenance inappropriate public behavior on Metrorail in DC. Maybe they behave that way in Clarendon or Crystal City, but not downtown. A third lovely approaches. Impressed with my posing, she wants me to autograph her breasts with my Mr. Sharpie. Luckily, I have it on me today and am happy to oblige.

Arriving at work, I meet with my lawyers who assure me that the property rights for my image and style will be well protected and that I will be generously compensated for my endorsements of Hugger-Mugger Yoga Products, MuscleTech® supplements, such as CELL-TECH™ and
ACETABOLAN III®, and feminine hygiene products like the menstrual cup and, designed by yours truly and available just in time for Easter, a new line of festive pubic hair dyes.

Me you ask? Posing on Metro. Signing breasts with a permanent marker. Feminine hygiene. That is what I am about. And if you are tired of the New Age Milquetoasts who frequent craigslist M4W, you know where to write.