My glutes can bend rebar into origami swan shapes

I want to commend all the lovely ladies of the Red line for their loveliness last night. Too bad they all get off at Metro Center where I am getting on. Me? I’m traveling all the way to Woodley Park. To my Adams Morgan compound. I’m in my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. My head bobbing rhythm to music only I can hear. I’m wearing my gold medallion of Zhuangzi and Huizi strolling on Bridge Hao and contemplating whether or not the fish are happy. The medallion rests on my ripped pecs. I point flex and wink at a cute blonde wants a charcoal rubbing of my abs. Sadly for her there is no time. A sexy brunette who I point flex and wink at in a pink top wants to feel just how tight my glutes are. Feel away, babe. My glutes so tight they can bend iron rebar into oragami swan shapes. When I get on at Metro Center, I dive into my book, “The Great War for Civilisation” by Robert Fisk, proving that I am not only about the body, but the mind.

I am happy that my mastery of the ancient and deadly Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate has kept me relatively safe and completely bruise-free. I cannot afford any bruising with the Bally Jute Mill Bodybuilding Invitational in Bangladesh coming up soon. I am also happy that my marketing in Maryland of Hugger-Mugger Yoga Products, MuscleTech® supplements, such as CELL-TECH™ and ACETABOLAN III®, and feminine hygiene products like the menstrual cup with my image and style are reaping piles of cash. Maybe I should plan a junket? I decide to share all this happiness with the denizens of Angles in Adams Morgan.

I walk in, sit down at the bar and order a Higher Power Creatine Monohydrate and Boomsma Jonge Genevere Gin. Jim sidles up to the bar looking for more man on woman sensuality tips. I tell Jim about the sacrum. “What do I do?” he says. I’m all, “Use varying types of touch, starting with light pressure and moving up to harder touch. Watch for increased breathing and physical movement in other parts of their body to see which she responds to best. You can also scrape your nails against the sacrum or grasp the soft flesh back there, gently tugging the skin away from the spine before releasing it.” He’s then, “What in god’s name does that do?” And me, “It increases the amount of energy which flows into the pelvis and directly enhances arousal. Stretching the skin away from the spine opens up and unblocks the energy channel. After that, you want to work the outer lips of the yoni.” And Jim’s all, “Right on!” And me, “Jim, no penetration.” Jim’s puzzled. Poor Jim. Middlebury graduate. “Don’t go inside. Not just yet. S-l-o-w-l-y caress and tease the outer area only. Then stroke gently down to the inside of the groin and thigh on one side and back up on the other side, creating a circuit from her yoni to her thighs. It’ll drive her wild by creating and moving energy around her pelvis.” “Then?” says Jim. “Then,” I say, “Penetration. But switch to Tao lovemaking. Cat And Mice Sharing A Hole or Cicada On A Bough or even the Dragon Turns. Some of these might not be appropriate for your smaller penis though.”

I get up and head home to my Adams Morgan compound. Time to go to bed. Me? Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate. Total fitness and power. Mixing the best of Tantra with Tao. Flair. Dignity. That is what I am about. And if you want to experience the “goat and the tree,” drop me a line.

He gets letters:

"Hi, I am from the Metro area, I love baseball maybe you just running into the wrong people but there are a lot of us females that are into sport, such as myself. a serious sport loving black female"