I Know Your Relationship “Deal-Breakers” (September “Men’s Health”)

Some guy posted under the same heading with different answers. He has since taken it down before I could capture his "gentlemanliness..." Here were my answers to the same questions...

See how I rate.

According to "Men’s Health" Magazine there are the 10 relationship deal breakers (September issues, Page 57). I’ll respond to each:

“1. You still live with your parents.”

That would sure be a money-saver, but my folks live too far away to make a reasonable commute.

“2. You skimp on foreplay.”

Nope. I love boobies!

“3. You never stay at her place.”

Three words: I love boobies!

“ 4. You can’t stand kids.”

Are they mine?

“5. You have yet to open a car door for her.”

What? You don’t have arms?

“6. Your gym bag makes her eyes water.”

My gym bag is a Safeway bag that gets thrown away after every use.

“7. Your idea of a romance is candles and Coldplay.”

Yuk! I stick with the classics: Barry White and Boone’s Farms Strawberry Hill.

“8. You have the new Barbara Streisand boxed set.”

No, but I have ELO’s Greatest Hits.

“9. Your dancing is not quite human…”

I can only dance to 80’s Alternative dance music, the YMCA, and am proficient at the White Man’s Overbite.

“10. You slap her bum and call her “babe.”

Um. What is wrong with that?

Vitals: A young 37, average, tall, have a car, have boney girl arms, have big feet, tiny penis, broody.

Photo please, and be ready to roll your eyes.

He gets letters:

"correct use of punctuation ... and you admit to reading something that has more words than photos. good job!"

"Hi, I am considering leaving a relationship (very strongly) but I could be a good friend too when bored I guess. Here is a quick stats list:..."

"Once again, caro mio, you made me laugh!!! Brilliant!!"