Seeking Christian Lady who looks at sex as a shameful act against God

Its amazing sometimes where inspiration comes from. Usually it is an extraordinarily bad craigslist M4W poster. Sometimes there are so many of those it is hard to pick one over another. Occasionally they are these wonderful intolerant christian-types that oddly enough are looking on craigslist for their virgin bride. Virgin bride in DC? Hah. Anyway, this post takes inspiration from a female poster today (permalink), seeking a Christian man who sees sex as procreation and means that "no tongues, fingers, thumbs, or any other kind of painful demented sex toy you can think of" can go near her mouth, butt, or other such places. I hope she's a fake poster...

Pics: You get just one this time. It is me with the Redeemer. You can bask in our collective brilliance while I am at work and you are at home, chained to my stove making me a pot roast for dinner.

I believe that the penis belongs in the vagina. Period. I understand that spilling my man-seed in mouths and the buttocks and various sex toys or all over your face or the small of your back is a sin against god (Genesis 38:9 people). Sex is a shameful act against God unless it's for making babies.

YOU: Not a gold-digger. You should revere my man-seed for its one true purpose: baby-making. Must be height and weight proportionate, into sunsets, walks on the beach, intelligent design, intolerance, Christian worship and fellowship, the book of Leviticus, crusading for Jesus, and judging the unsaved. Please no hang-ups or extra baggage.

Psychology note: I am sane and so should you be. I'm a first born and I'm always right. You'll be right too, but only if you agree with me. I like younger girls since they are not completely set in their ways, easier to mold, and with a little corporal discipline will come around to seeing things my way.

Not interested in Catholics, Presbyterians, Methodists, Episcopalians, Secular Humanists, Vegans, Europeans, or any other such cultists who might introduce me to exotic new ideas that might cause me to question my True Christian Beliefs. I will, however, pray for your quick end and a speedy journey to a very hot place, where you will be spending all eternity wishing you were with God’s favorite people rather than roasting in a literal lake of fire, Amen.

ME: I'm 6 foot and 170 lbs with brown eyes and hair. Born-again, never married virgin seeking white female virgin for some godly Christian courtship with the intent of marriage and children over the Internet. I'm extremely well educated and looking to: (1) Go to Church; (2) Save the Unsaved; (3) Go to Church.

Final Note: Any e-mails received with “Jezebel-sounding names,” like A.J. Wick, Rubber Susie, Goddess of Domesticity, Kelvin Pinney, or other made-up sounding names will be, un-opened. I'm not dumb.