I am the guy

He might be this guy. I am this other guy....

You notice from across the bar...I am the guy who although our eyes only connect briefly, the connection was made...You immediately sense my raw animal magnetism…You sense a guy of power, a guy of purpose, a guy who seduces with a glance, a guy who can bend spoons with his mind, a guy who can cycle through over 200 cable channels on a remote without ever settling on a single channel. A guy unlike any other…I am the guy who will tell you those jeans make you look fat…I am the guy whose eyes will glaze over if you have me up at 2am sitting on the couch with you, drinking wine and talking about everything from the color of your nail polish to your family values...I am the guy who will tell you semen is good for your complexion and is even more effective ingested rather than worn on your face...I am the guy who will have your bra off without you even noticing...I am the guy who knows that sexy is you not talking so much...I am the guy who will purposefully slip it in your butt when we’re doggie style but claim it was only an accident...I am the guy who probably won’t call you back...I am the guy who will want you to fetch me a beer from the fridge while I am watching football...I am the guy who knows how to manipulate your self-esteem issues to get what I want...I am the guy who hits on your friends when I am drunk...I am the guy who will pull the covers over your head, fart, and scream “Dutch Oven!”...I am the guy who will tell make inappropriate comments to your folks, like how good in the sack you are...I am the guy who will get lost and will refuse to ask for directions...I am the guy who once put an X-Wing fighter up for sale on Craigslist even though I don’t own one...I am the guy who photoshops...poorly...I am the guy who doesn’t suffer fools...I am the guy that will put on a pretty good act until you are in love, then I will change...

I am this guy