Love Me Tender

Collaboration with the Phantom of the Bordello. Enjoy.

Snarling, snappish SWcircumcisedM (slightly over-exposed) internet porn star seeks malleable princess of the roadway for purely long-term relationship with the potential of planting my seed as I’ll need someone to mooch off of in my decrepitude. Must be clean, shorn, fit, charismatic, and photogenic. You should love watching movies, hiking, sleeping, traveling, Starbucks, and posing naked for extended periods of time. You’ll want to accompany me to the Hwy 127 Corridor Sale on route to Graceland for the Elvis Impersonation Contest in August.

I'm fun, outgoing, vulnerable, but dog-gone it, people like me. You might call me "special"! but not in the “I ride the short bus” sort of way. Don't get me wrong - I am not looking for ewe to be a sugar mama, I can pay my own way unless you insist on it being otherwise. Please don't be married, currently involved, or have your own self-worshiping website, but if you do, at least have the decency and dignity to lie your ass off about it.

For approval, please submit: query letter, resume, dental records, driving record, court transcripts, TB test and vaccination records (including Footrot, Coccidiosis, Urinary Calcali, Bacterial meningitis, distemper, and kennel cough), W-4s for the past 5 years, ticket stub from at least one play, gallery exhibit, or county fair attended in the past 6 months, 4H awards, and completed Cosmo, Vanity Fair, and Suffolk Daily quizzes, and be prepared to operate heavy "equipment."

Your pic will get you 320,983 of mine.