Extreme posing. Dressing well. That is what I am about.

Important meeting later this evening, so after my Superfreak Workout for Juiced-Up Psychos I put on my grey flannel suit. Blue shirt. The arms are ripped off of both to accommodate my rippling biceps. The shirt stretched taut against my ballooning pecs. My nipples hard from the chill morning air. To accent the outfit I throw on a Zadi tie from Milan. Blue with little yellow fish. Armani glasses with blue tinted frames to better stalk my prey. I head to the Orange line to Metro Center then grab the Red line to Woodley Park.

Hitting the Red line platform in stride I notice a plethora of lovelies. Cracking my neck, I give them my smoky stare with one eyebrow raised, oozing raw sexuality. I launch into a series of poses: Front Double Biceps, Front Lat Spread, Side Chest, Back Double Biceps, and signature Back Lat Spread. One woman faints. Another lunges at my banana hammock, her eyes wild and fixated on my prodigious manhood. I brush her aside. I don’t countenance inappropriate public behavior on Metrorail in DC. Maybe they behave that way in Clarendon or Crystal City, but not in tony Woodley Park.

The train arrives, I get on, and dive into David Eggers latest offering, “You Shall Know Our Velocity,” my head bouncing in rhythm to music only I can hear. Until, of course, a lovely comes up to me, impressed with my posing and impressed with muscle mass, density, ripped definition, intensity, stamina, endurance, mental focus, dignity, flair, and humility. She wants me to autograph her breasts with my Mr. Sharpie. Luckily, I have it on me today and am happy to oblige.

I stop off at the Organic Chinese Restaurant and pick up my standing order of General Tso’s Macaque. The owner greets me by my Chinese name, Sho Kui Ge. He doesn’t charge me as I am a spokesmodel for his business. I head home to my Adams Morgan Compound to eat.

Me you ask? Extreme posing. Dressing well. Intolerant of bad behavior in public. Reading quality fiction. And if you can resist lunging at my prodigious manhood on metro, drop me a line.

He gets letters:

"Thank you Mr. Banana Hammock for having an awesome sense of humor. Everyday you me laugh! Please don't stop posting, they never get old."