Eating endangered species. Flair. Dignity. That is what I am about.

Travel log: Earlier this weekend, Silver Spring, Maryland.

I’m sitting at the bar in the Marriott Intercontinental. Five Stars. I’m wearing my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. I order my second Xango™ Juice and HGH Velvet plus IGF-1 & IGF-2. Chase it with a shot of Goldschlager, increasing my inner bling. My meetings earlier with high government officials in Maryland leave me assured that the property rights for my image and style will be well protected and that I will be generously compensated for my endorsements of Hugger-Mugger Yoga Products, MuscleTech® supplements, such as CELL-TECH™ and ACETABOLAN III®, and feminine hygiene products like the menstrual cup. Still, I think I need some relaxation.

I’m thinking a dip in the pool might afford me the relaxation I readily deserve. They make me wear a swimsuit. House rules. Grudgingly I slip into my Koala Brazilian cut swimsuit. Form fitted to the max. I have the pool boy chase the sun with my chaise as I swim a couple of laps. I get out, air dry in my chaise and read the Bagavagita.

Dry, I’m off to the spa. I change out of my Koala Brazilian cut swimsuit and into a terrycloth robe. Deep Tissue Massage, Tangerine Blossom Exfoliation, and Anti-Aging Botanical Power Repair.

The woman working on me knows of my reputation as an expert on man on woman sensuality and cannot resist my body -- total fitness and power, muscle mass, ripped definition, stamina, intensity, mental focus, flair. She knows it’s unprofessional, but insists on a demonstration. I take her up to my room and start with my oral techniques. First, the Adhara-sphuritam, better known as the Quivering Kiss. Then I move onto Jihva-bhramanaka, or the Circling Tongue, and finish with the Jihva-mardita, the tongue massage. Next I instruct her in the Mayura. Seated, she rises and has one foot pointing vertically over her head, steadying it with her hands. Here she offers up her yoni for lovemaking. I graciously accept.

After, thoroughly exhausted, laying in bed and smoking a Davidoff Especiales “7.” My thoughts drift to my trip to Bethesda, looking forward to Montgomery Farm Woman's Cooperative Market, high tea at the Marriott Intercontinental Bethesda, scones and clotted cream, Humphead Wrasse lip tea sandwiches, and box seats at the Imagination Stage.

Me you ask? Total fitness and power. Superior coition in the mouth. Eating endangered species. Flair. Dignity. That is what I am about. And if you’re tired of the whiny anti-sybaritic milquetoasts of craigslist, you know where to find me. And as William Wirt wrote, “Seize the moment of excited curiosity on any subject to solve your doubts; for if you let it pass, the desire may never return, and you may remain in ignorance.”