Eating Endangered Species. That is what I am about.

It’s Thursday and I hit the gym. I figure I am not going to get any exercise on the plane. Unless of course there is a lovely who aches for my total fitness and power, muscle mass, ripped definition, stamina, and intensity in the lavatory. A woman who is eager to experience my version of man on woman sensuality. Where am I going? I have series of meetings with high government officials to consult on what I am known for: love, looking good, flair, and dignity. My image and style will be all over Maryland on Hugger-Mugger Yoga Products, MuscleTech® supplements, such as CELL-TECH™ and ACETABOLAN III®, and feminine hygiene products.

Anyway, so back to the gym. Of course, any slippage of my banana hammock could be dangerous if there are women working out, so I apply some Bikini Bite to make sure stuff nothing pops out unexpectedly and slip into lime green banana hammock. Extra large. Before I hit the gym I give the mirror a Front Double Biceps and Side Chest combo. I'm thinking, Babe, you are way too much. Pleased, my head bobs in rhythm to music only I can hear. In the gym I’m working on my pecs, biceps, and abs: Preacher Reverse Curl, Seated Concentration Curl, Crossover Chest Fly, Pullover Crunch.

Shower. I slip into my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. Brown Jean Lafont frames with orange tinted lenses. My medallion of a Buddha Vitarka Mudra flanked by a couple of Bodhisattvas rests comfortably on my ripped pecs. My driver is taking me to Dulles. Flight #902 to BWI where I'll find out if the lovelies of Maryland can hold a candle to those of Washington, DC before my Monday meetings with high government officials. I settle into my seat and order a vodka and ISS Effervescent Creatine Orange from the stewardess. Hungry. Looking forward to dinner. Betraying a little pan-gallic chauvinism, I ordered a specialty meal of Terrine de baby fur seal aux Epinards, Haricots Verts, and Crème caramel.

Me? Ripped Definition. Banana hammocks. Eating endangered species. Jet setting. Anonymous sex on planes. That is what I am about. And if you want to experience my version of man on woman sensuality, I’ll meet you in the bathroom.

He gets letters:

"are you over 49? i just want someone as close to my age as possible. I am 52. I look younger. I have class, educated and am seeking a man for companionship, fun, laughter and all the things which come with a good relationship. well, back to you. . .we are in the same neighborhood. we can meet for coffee and chat a little just to see if we can move forward."

"Amusing, so I'll bite...what's behind the screen?"