Fur coats. Pleasing the ladies. That is what I am about.

Chilly morning. I’m in my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. Baby blue mink/chinchilla jacket. Keeps out the cold and keeps the heat in. My medallion of a Buddha Vitarka Mudra flanked by a couple of Bodhisattvas bounces off my pecs as I make my way to my Hummer. Standing outside of my Adams Morgan compound is a raven-haired lovely waiting for the 42 bus and obviously checking me out. I give her a point-wink-with a trigger finger and she swoons. Poor dear. I’m too much for her muscle mass, density, ripped definition, intensity, stamina, endurance, mental focus.

I don’t usually drive to work but I lost my prime parking space on Quarry Road near my Adams Morgan compound. I wanted to make sure that no evildoers dared to something untoward to my Hummer, which would have forced me to unleash my savage and ancient art Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate on their sorry asses. Fortunately for them, no. Not today. I retake my coveted parking spot and head for the Orange line. Farragut West to Dunn Loring.

I lost my coveted parking spot Saturday apple picking outside of Charlottesville. Hot donuts sprinked with Goat Anti-Rat Growth Hormone Polyclonal Antibodies. They hit the spot. In the orchards, few if any apples on the trees. I try to will them to me with little success. Only 5 or 6 small ones. Frustrated I head back to DC, losing my prime piece of parking territory in the process.

Back to metro, a few lovelies of the elderly variety in my car today. Still, I think they deserve a break from their dreary reality. I give them my Front Double Biceps, Front Lat Spread, Side Chest, Back Double Biceps, and signature Back Lat Spread. It’s like watching kids in a candy store, a frenzied lather as they take it all in. I am barely able to get off the train. I’ve got women hanging off my arms and legs as I make my way to work. Outside, I shake them off one at a time and settle in for another Friday.

Me you ask? Fur coats. Pleasing the ladies. Apple pickin’. Having fruit come to me off trees through the sheer, unadulterated, power of my will. That is what I am about. And I am very wary about directing this power toward women. Only fruit.

He gets letters:

"Cute. very cute. little advice though. shouldn't put your picture... it ruins the mystique."