New-Age Milquetoasts of Craigslist continued...

Earlier, on the way back from Tryst to my compound in Adams Morgan for my dinner of manatee-pate and toast points, I thought I would stop by the El Safeway. I want to grab a crudité platter to go with the pate and pick up a panda tenderloin and a Ranch Salad kit to complete the meal. Lucky for me that earlier in the day I put on my lemon ghargra choli that Urmila Matondkar wore in the movie “Deewangee.” As I am leaving El Safeway with my purchases, I am jumped by Incognito Sweetie and members of her Tae Bo Underground.

Surrounded. My totally ripped physique taught from head to toe. I am anticipating a furious attack from the group that practices the apostate version of this ancient and honorable martial art. We will see if my mastery of the ancient and deadly Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate is up to the task. I fend off a series Knee-Front Kick-Jack Combos, Knee Cross Combos, Back Fist Punches, and Side Lunge Stretches. I then break out in song. “Dholi dhol baajaa” seems appropriate since that is the song Urmila Matondkar sang in the lemon ghargara choli that I am wearing. Confusion spreads among my foes. As I sing, dance, lunge, punch, and kick, it seems as this group is no match for my skills. Snake-creeps-down-and performs-the-dance-of-the-Shakti, Golden-cock-stands-on-one-leg-Dhandia, and needle-at-sea-bottom-Araalam mudra followed with a HamsaPaksham mudra.

I am total concentration. Total control. Savage intensity. Grace and Dignity. I defeat the minions of Incognito Sweetie as she flees the scene. One thing I notice about her as her feather boa trails in the evening breeze. She is beautiful. I must stand guard that I don’t fall in love with this woman who controls the dark forces that are the Tae Bo Underground.

I pick up my crudité platter, panda tenderloin, and Ranch Salad kit, and head home for dinner. In the morning I will be sore from the fight last night, but for now I am distracted by other thoughts. Thoughts of Incognito Sweetie and her incomparable beauty. But I must somehow resist.

Total control. Savage intensity. Grace and Dignity. Crudités. Eating endangered species. That is what I am about. And if you think you can handle the total juggernaut that is me and are bored with the prehensile denizens of craigslist, drop me a line. And as the ancient Chinese storyteller ZhuangZi was oft heard telling his disciples, “please reply with a pic.”