"Feministic Views" by Mr. Banana Hammock (not Omari)

My daily Omari...

I couldn’t decide what I wanted for lunch today so I took a healthy approach toward eating and decided to graze at the salad bar. I’ve included a picture below. Before anybody writes to say, “hey buddy, why not try some salad with your dressing” bear in mind that the dressing is blue cheese dressing. And when you close the lid and shake it vigorously, the dressing more or less evenly coats the vegetable involved, and I guess, eventually my arteries.

I like all cheese, but blue cheese especially. The National Dairy Council also reports that 3 servings of dairy a day in a reduced-calorie diet supports weight loss. Also a new study among active women using oral contraceptives found bone loss was prevented for those who got their calcium from 3-A-Day of dairy. Getting enough calcium can play a major role in the prevention of osteoporosis later in life, which can be a problem for the ladies. Milk is probably another important source of calcium, but I am a bit lactose intolerant.

A few years back we had a temp named after a famous president. First and last name. And I think he understood the importance of dairy in your daily diet. Anyway, every morning when he came into work I’d stand up and say, “Good morning, Mr. President.” He was at some point offered a job and went up to human resources to fill out paperwork for the job. He never returned. Apparently he complimented the receptionist’s “rack” perhaps even calling it "nice." I don’t know for sure what was actually said. I wasn’t there. But he never came back. I was struck by his enthusiasm for dairy after noticing his that his computer desktop was a big picture of Naomi Campbell sporting a milk mustache.

I’m not sure where I am going with this but all this talk of milk, and our former temp’s love of milk and I guess breasts, reminds me of, well, breasts. Ironically, I was having an email conversation with a friend who grew up in the same town as I did. She wrote me last night to mention that A&E was showing a 2 hour long documentary called “Cleavage." A Hooters waitress named Nicki reportedly said that, "Believe it or not, I'm a feminist. I have a lot of feministic views." Unfortunately I missed the email and the documentary. In addition to Nicki, I was told that other commentators on the documentary were apparently actresses, a journalist who once went "undercover" in a giant padded bra, and a professional clown.

I told my friend that while I also held feministic views, I personally preferred smaller breasts and that she should praise me for reaching out to those less fortunate, breast-wise.

I’m still waiting for that praise to come through email. Any minute now.



He gets letters:

"Seriously, I know I've written before, but I can not tell you enough how much you make my day when you write that stuff. :) PS - here's your email thanking you for liking smaller boobs. :)"