"Dodging Stuff" by Mr. Banana Hammock (not Omari)

Your nearly daily OMARI...

Way back when I was in elementary school we used to play this game called dodgeball. At recess you’d have this reddish rubber ball, the kind we also used to play kickball with, and throw it at the other kids running and screaming around the playground. I think they called the ball a utility ball.

Several years ago dodgeball, and other recess games like tag were banned or discouraged in some school systems. The reason? Children apparently are unusually fragile. This belief has manifested itself in a number of ways. For example, the physical education chairman at an Illinois high school has said that coaches who permit kids to play dodgeball "should be fired immediately." Even “tag” was not immune. A 1998 anti-bullying curriculum guide, "Quit It!," paid for with tax dollars, gave this advice to kindergarten and elementary school teachers: "Before going outside to play, talk about how students feel when playing a game of tag. Do they like to be chased? Do they like to do the chasing? How does it feel to be tagged out?" How does it feel to be tagged out? Stressful I guess. I have a very fragile ego right? If students feel apprehensive about this apparently stressful game, never fear: teachers may introduce them to a tag alternative called Circle of Friends where nobody is ever out. Now that sounds like one heck of a good time. And my self-esteem will remain intact since nobody is throwing a utility ball at my head? I don’t get it.

Dodgeball was re-popularized by a recent movie called “Dodgeball” starring Ben Stiller who was hilarious in “Zero Effect” and Vince Vaughn who was hilarious in “The Wedding Crashers.” I didn’t see “Dodgeball.” Not because I thought it would unearth some latent childhood trauma, like playing dodgeball. It just didn’t seem worth the $10 price of admission.

My sister, who is a bit crazy, used to throw stuff at me. Harmless stuff, like shoes and stuffed animals, and not-so-harmless stuff, like forks and sharp knives. So naturally I got good at dodging stuff. And looking back it was probably just in good fun. As the saying goes, “all’s fun and games until someone loses an eye.” And I would thank her for helping me with practicing dodging stuff by including her in games like “assassin,” where I would be the assassin with my BB gun and she would be my unwitting target. I also turned her Barbie Dream House into something that looked like a swingers’ convention.

I wonder what psychologists would say about that?