"Victor Wong" by Mr. Banana Hammock (not Omari)

OMARI returns...

Today I came in late this morning. My voicemail was again fully loaded with messages from Dr. Carlos Martin something or another. You may recall he left a message on my voice mail yesterday. He’s reportedly in “intelligence prison.” A follow-up call by him where I got to talk with him in person revealed that “intelligence prison" is a euphemism for “nursing home.” So again for you code breakers out there, A is the first letter, I is the 9th and S is the 19th. ABC goes into 2, DEF into 3, GHI into 4, and so on.

In today’s installment I found out that 1903 Essex Road upside down is 1603. Dr. Carlos Martin something or another is also the “it” and the “and” which means that Jesse Helms is not the “and.” (there can be only one you see). And remember, all of this has grave implications for the health of Larry King’s wife.

I was up late last night watching John Carpenter’s “Prince of Darkness” starring Victor Wong as Prof. Howard Birack, possibly the only non-Asian role in his illustrious career, which has spanned several decades. He’s played Grandpa Mori Tanaka in “3 Ninjas” and “3 Ninjas Kick Back,” Mr. Wong in “Jade,” and Walter Chang in “Tremors,” among other roles. I was impressed. This versatile actor can not only play a non-Asian, but also can play a Japanese guy in one film and a Chinese guy in another film. Wow. Why he hasn’t won an Oscar is beyond my comprehension.

It saddened me somewhat. The film was not uplifting like “The Highlander,” whose main character, Christopher Lambert, plays Connor MacLeod, a Scot with a decidedly Swiss/French accent. Sean Connery, a Scot, plays Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez, a Spaniard with a Scottish accent. In this film, literally, there can be only one and luckily Mr. Lambert wins the “prize.” The “prize” it turns out is mortality and having kids. Go figure.

And who can forget Clancy Brown, who plays The Kurgan in “The Highlander” and Captain Hadley in “The Shawshank Redemption”? His memorable line to Tim Robbins was “You're gonna look real funny sucking my dick with no teeth.” And while the visual probably isn’t all that funny, I’m sure the sensation would be fantastic.