Curious Mr. Banana Hammock

WTF???

I'm 35.
I'm 6’0".
I'm not racist.
I am not of mixed descent.
My name is also not George.
I eat endangered animals and take plenty of HGHs.
I have a graduate degree in Art History.

At some point, you just have to realize that you're not going to convince certain people of your point of view.

So this is something I've been wondering for a while. How much of an influence does society have over the physical preference a person gives Mr. Banana Hammock? Here are the guidelines:

1. Asian girls prefer: Mr. Banana Hammock
2. Black girls prefer: Mr. Banana Hammock
3. White girls prefer: Mr. Banana Hammock
4. Latino girls prefer: Mr. Banana Hammock
5. Gay men prefer: Mr. Banana Hammock, but Mr. Banana Hammock doesn’t go there.

The question is, why? There is only so much Mr. Banana Hammock to go around. Is it my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt? Is it my ripped definition? The hours I spend in the gym working on my glutes, my lats, my abs? Is it my gold medallion of Zhuangzi and Huizi strolling on Bridge Hao and contemplating whether or not the fish are happy? Is it my head bobbing to the rhythm of music that only I can hear? Is the influence more social or genetic?

So I’m on my way to work today. The red line isn’t as crowded as has been of late, so there is plenty of room for me to give the ladies a Front Double Biceps, Front Lat Spread, Side Chest, Back Double Biceps, and signature Back Lat Spread. With my physique my bodybuilding poses are sure to impress. A pretty thirty-something blonde with a Peace Corps badge asks for a charcoal rubbing of my abs. I am happy to oblige before she departs at Dupont Circle.

I admire the good work she and others do around the world for the people whose bodies are less developed than my own. This gets me to thinking about how I can do more for these unfortunates. I am thinking that I could work through my multinational conglomerate to donate a million doses of Pump Tech™ to those in the third world. The product has done wonders for yours truly. It has jacked up my Nitric Oxide levels, increased my vascular response, and my muscles have blown up like balloons. It would nice to see people from Gabon, Sudan, and Somalia seriously pumped.

Baffling...