Body, Mind, Spirit & Virtually no Ego: Man of Substance Here

There's always one of these fellas lurking around craigslist (permalink)...

I am an extraordinarily powerful yet sensitive man. Yesterday I saw “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” and I silently wept for poor, poor Bailey. I can bend the will of other men with my icy stare, yet I needlepoint pillows with sayings like “Bless this House” and “Bless this Mess” and “Down with Negativity.” I've designed my own toile with scenes based on the life of former Creed frontman Scott Stapp. I am man of intelligence, character, and extreme potentency. I've personally calculated pi out to seven decimal points without the aid of a calculator. I am working on a novelization of the recent "Chronicles of Narnia" film which I intend to have published by Viking press. I am a seducer of enormous skill. I am a spy in the house of love, gathering clues to be used in the war of affections. The laws of physics don't apply to me. I am seeking my lifetime romantic partner.

A successful entrepreneur, I invent new uses for old things by screwing skateboard wheels on them, covering them with with red and silver glitter, and selling them on eBay. I enjoy both the finer things (composing symphonies, writing poetry, and creating dances that will become the new craze in country bars) and simple pleasures (calculating the speed of things, making soup from scratch, training in bungee massage). I maintain a rebellious spirit. I own a button that says “has a problem with authority.” My appearance and lifestyle are equally as rebellious (I've been known to angrily shake my fist and sneer at authority while wearing my Che shirt and brown Chucks). I temper my rebelliousness with wisdom, common sense and great quantities of alcohol which makes me kind of lazy. I'm health and fitness conscious, but not so much that I want to work out; educated, and willing to lord my intelligence over you; active, but mostly in my apartment; communicative, but unwilling to listen unless you want to talk about me. Not having sex in nearly a year, I am basically desperate enough to explore fantasies and build a shared life without limits with some anonymous woman from craigslist as long as she is reasonably attractive and fit.

If you relate strongly and specifically to this ad, I want to hear from you right away. I don't expect a lot of replies - only one or two crazy chicks who want to go out tonight, a few spammers who want me to look at their yahoo profiles, and a Russian woman who is looking for “qualidy amarican man.” If you are funny, brave, sexy, super-smart and self-aware, why are you on craigslist anyway?