Sea Turtle Eggs Benedict with Marmoset Bacon. Breakfast Wine.

Waking up around six AM this morning in my Adams Morgan compound, I glance up to the mirrors over my bed and take it all in -- muscle mass, density, ripped definition, intensity, stamina, endurance, mental focus, dignity, flair, and humility. I shower. While I am air drying I read the Washington Post and treat myself to a breakfast of sea turtle Eggs Benedict with marmoset bacon. I wash it down with a glass of breakfast wine.

Dry I am contemplating my morning commute. The post says it will be warm today, so I throw on my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. I grab my New Yorker that came in the mail yesterday and I head for the Orange line from Farragut West to Dunn Loring. Yes I am at work today. The multinational conglomerate that I help run never rests. When I hit the platform I notice that I am not alone. Tons of lovelies on the platform. I give them a few poses before the train arrives: Front Double Biceps, Front Lat Spread, Side Chest, Back Double Biceps, and signature Back Lat Spread. You can tell they are getting hot. A brown haired woman nearly faints before she can grab for the ceiling of the train. I suspect my pheromones are overpowering her ability to balance. Others react differently. A green-eyed blond starts grinding her ass into my banana hammock and doesn’t stop until she gets off at Farragut North. All in all, a good morning for yours truly.

Me you ask? Air drying. Eating exotic and endangered animals. Public transportation. Keeping informed. That is what I am about. And if you want to rub your ass on my banana hammock on metro, please keep in mind that shouting, “Ride’em Cowboy!” probably isn’t appropriate behavior.

He gets letters:

"Is your full time job to post on CL?"