Updated! “One of a Kind.” Old-fashioned, Superlatively Gorgeous...

Updated! Self-described "unique" 27 year-old maybe only unique in his view of women, circa 1950s I guess...(permalink).

You know how most people say they're looking for a "One of a Kind" lady or some other awfully cliché comment like I’m looking for a "Needle in a Haystack"? Well, in my case I truly think it's appropriate.

I genuinely think that the girl I'm looking for is most likely one in a trillion or maybe she never even has exited or even she might only exist in my imagination or maybe she exists on some barely legal porn website. Or maybe I could look at myself in the mirror and then imagine myself with boobies and long hair and NO ambition but to please me! Wow! That paradox has my head spinning. It’s like going back in time and meeting yourself. What would happen? Would the universe implode?

A little dramatic? Sure, maybe. But let me explain, and then you'll see....

For starters, I'm a tall, very attractive and fit 37 year old guy. I've got a super job, a super apartment, a ficus AND a spider plant (which in my humble opinion are pretty super as far as plants go) and am about as outgoing, sociable and fun as they come. I love travelling, spelling, exploring new places and trying new things. I like dancing the YMCA! I've dated models, psychotic bloggers, hill rats, and drama queens... but ultimately just want to meet the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want anything short term, no meaningless flings, just "The One." Think of George and Martha in “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.”

Life is just better with a yes-man, er woman, in my corner. I hate all this "independence" garbage that is preached about constantly by feminists and others. I've driven across the country once with someone, but was wearing headphones so it seemed like I was alone. I can walk into a room full of angry people and they will all stop being angry and will love and adore me. Small birds alight on my outstretched arms when I’m in Rock Creek Park. Squirrels and raccoons will nuzzle my feet. I’m really good at parallel parking. So good in fact pedestrians erupt in spontaneous cheering when I do. I’ve won the Nobel prize for “outstanding achievements in the pursuit of excellence.” The laws of physics don’t apply to me.

What's the next catch? Well, I also know myself extremely well. I’d say better than anyone else for that matter. I'm about as old-fashioned a 37 year old as you’ll find. I want a 50’s style relationship, where I come first.

Now, what exactly does that mean? Well, once my wife and I get married and have kids, my wife won't be working any more for starters. Working outside of the home is not only bad for the kids, it’s also bad for the relationship. She might meet someone at work or the fact that she has her own money would make it easier for her to leave me. Remember, this is the 50’s and nobody gets divorced. It also means all the old-fashioned and outdated stuff that society has come to tell everyone is not politically correct anymore too. Like if you sass me, I’ll take out my belt. Or you have an opinion, I’ll take out my belt. Or if you don’t keep the place clean or fetch me beers fast enough, well, you know the drill.

I think the guy needs to be the head of the household. I think he needs to be the protector, the provider, the person who metes out punishments, and when it comes right down to it the guy who leads the family.

My problem is my whole life I've dated "trophy wife types." It's a Catch-22, or another poorly used cliché, because I'm only physically attracted to trophy wife types. And unfortunately, in this day and age, it is damn hard to change people.

I really just want a super attractive, mindless, person. Isn’t it evident I only care about your looks yet? One that'll quit working once there's kids. One that'll always be at my side. One that'll let me take care of everything simply because she trusts that I'm going to always take care of everything.

And on the occasions when I do make a decision that turns out badly... one that stands by my side and is supportive no matter what. Because my opinions are the only one’s that matter.

I'm 6'1" and 169lbs, good shape and a trendy, in an old fashioned, flannelly, Michigan sort of way, and superlatively gorgeous overall. I've got dozens and dozens of pictures sitting here on my comp, and I’ll show you one of “mine” first. Then you can show me “yours.”

Looking forward to meeting "You".