If you think you can handle the intensity...

Me? I’m in my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. I’m walking past kiosk ads all over the Westfield Shoppingtown in Wheaton imparting my image and style to Hugger-Mugger Yoga Products, MuscleTech® supplements, such as CELL-TECH™ and ACETABOLAN III®, and feminine hygiene products. Large billboard of me near the Twinbrook Community Recreation Center in Rockville, MD, number 26 on the list of best places to live in the U.S. In it, I’m wearing a kashmiri styled silk kurta-lehenga like the one that Karisma Kapoor wore in Baaz, striking a Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate pose: Snake-creeps-down-and performs-the-dance-of-the-Shakti. Silver Spring. Over by the Piratz Tavern on Georgia Avenue. Another large billboard of me wearing a yellow bustier and with leopard print hipsters like Sushmita Sen wore in Tumko Naa Bhool Payenge at the Gare de Cornavin. I am striking another pose I am famous for: Golden-cock-stands-on-one-leg-Dhandia. Things seem to be going great. I’m looking good – stamina, ripped definition, intensity, and dignity.

I wake up. Stretch and check out my ripped definition in the mirrors over my bed. Give myself a wink and a point for a change and head for the shower. Air drying I dig in to a Northern Spotted Owl egg omelet and two strips of panda bacon. Reading the Post I am surprised at the lack of coverage regarding yours truly and my looming trip to Maryland to meet with high government officials regarding their desire to import my image, style, flair. I’ll have to have a little talk with the PR team when I get to work.

As I step on the Orange line at Farragut West, I do Front Double Biceps and Front Lat Spread combo. “Doors Closing.” Single bicep flex, I wink and point with a trigger thumb to a lovely in my car. She looks familiar. She wants to do a charcoal rubbing of my abs. She remembered to bring charcoal and paper this morning. I graciously oblige. Her hands tremble. She knows of my reputation regarding the savage intensity of my version of man on woman sensuality. Getting off at Dunn Loring, I head to work.

Shohei-Ryu-Bollywood Karate. Dining on endangered species. Dream sequences. Style. Flair. Dignity. That is what I am about. And if you think you can handle the intensity of my version of man on woman sensuality, you know where to write.

He gets letters:

"My name is Natasha, I am from Russia. I have found your ad I want to know you better. Sorry, if bothered you, but I really want to find a good man and I think that you are that man :) May I send photos to you?"