Get Pumped by Mr. Banana Hammock in his Adams Morgan Compound

Dinner with my PR team and others of importance this evening. I changed into my charcoal grey Armani suit. Blue shirt. Of course the arms are ripped off of both to accommodate my massive biceps. I complete the outfit with a bright red tie with blue and yellow accents. Italian. Zadi of Milan.

I’m heading back to DC via the Orange line to Metro Center and waiting to catch the Red line to Gallery Place. I give a flex wink point with a trigger finger to a lovely young woman with brown hair and deep brown eyes. Green shirt. She faints but recovers in time to get off at her stop at Metro Center. Why is it that the beautiful women get off at Metro Center? Barely enough time for them to take it all in -- muscle mass, density, ripped definition, intensity, stamina, endurance, mental focus.

On to Zaytinya to meet with my PR team who is already assembled around the bar. I order a Grey Goose and ISS Effervescent Creatine Orange. I’ve assembled the team to go over a new product endorsement and contest featuring yours truly. The product, Pump Tech™. This product leads to even better pumps, will jack up your Nitric Oxide levels, increase your vascular response, and will have your muscles blown up like balloons with two proprietary blends – Vaso-Tech™ and AAKG-Tech™. This is a product I highly recommend.

The contest? “Get pumped by Mr. Banana Hammock in his Adams Morgan compound.” Your personal pump may be preceded by drinks at my favorite Adams Morgan watering hole, Angels, and dinner at an Adams Morgan restaurant of your choosing. To register an entry, reply below with a funny reason you may benefit from a personal pumping by Mr. Banana Hammock and include a pic. The winner will make me laugh my ass off and have a pic.

Me you ask? Product endorsements. Silly contests. Endurance. Mental Focus. Dignity. That is what I am about. And as infamous serial killer Gerald Stano once said, “I hate a bitchy chick. Ba’al Shem Tov once said, “From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven, and when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, the streams of light flow together and a single brighter light goes forth from that united being.