Be not afraid of my inner night stick wielding gummy policemen

Last night was my “pamper yourself” night as taught in the Queer Eye Veda. There is profound wisdom to the mind/body/spirit teachings of good skin care in this ancient text. And although I personally don’t agree with their teachings of man on man sensuality, I am nonetheless happy for those who happily lead that life. I am not about hating. And more women for yours truly. First, my Lab Series Treatment Scrub to exfoliate and then Peel-Off Hydroxy Masque. Last, L'Oreal Dermo-Expertise Future Moisturizer + Daily Dose of Pure Vitamin E. My skin feels years younger.

This morning, refreshed, I head to the Farragut West Metro. Orange line to Dunn Loring. Me? I’m wearing my Carla Behrle leather pants no shirt. Brown Jean Lafont frames with orange tinted lenses to better stalk my prey. Days of positive thinking has made my water happy. I’ve restrained my inner night-stick wielding gummy policemen so I no problem turning it out. All things I learned watching “What The Bleep Do We Know!?” the other weekend.

Metro is packed this morning so I give the train a Front Double Biceps, Back Lat Spread, Front Abdominal-Thigh Isolation on the platform before boarding. There are too many gorgeous DC women on the train this morning. I flex wink point with a trigger finger to all of them, but there is no room for charcoal rubbings of my pecs. Many blush and someone with small hands is squeezing as best she can my rock hard glutes. My head bobbing to the sound of music only I can hear, I settle into my book. Atonement.

Before heading up to the office, I hit the gym. I change into my tangerine banana hammock, apply some bikini bite, and get started. Preacher Reverse Curl, Seated Concentration Curl, Crossover Chest Fly, Pullover Crunch. Done, I hit the shower. I air dry. My body glistens as I practice my posedowns in the mirror -- total fitness and power, muscle mass, ripped definition, stamina, intensity, mental focus.

Me you ask? Air drying. Not hating. Total fitness and power. Skin care. Making my water happy. That is what I am about. And be not afraid of my inner night stick wielding gummy policemen, I’ve restrained them.