"No Fat Chicks" by Mr. Banana Hammock (not Omari)

It's been a couple of days since I've done an Omari. So here you go...

I once had a horoscope that read “You’ll take an action that has no other purpose but to make someone crazy. And to you, this falls under the category of ‘fun.’” The horoscope went on to say that the beautiful think about me is that I am a provocateur. And, truthfully, I probably am.

Provocateur. Someone who stirs up trouble? Or someone who goads someone into a certain type of behavior? An agent provocateur is a person employed to associate with suspected individuals or groups with the purpose of inciting them to commit acts that will make them liable to punishment. I guess like a spy. Except I don’t work for a government and I only do it for my own personal amusement. I’ll say things to a girl I’m dating like, “Wow. Look at the sun!” And then she does, becoming temporarily blind. I wonder if that is why my parents wonder why I’ve never married.

I’ve never dated a supermodel, but I did date runway model in High School. Or she became a runway model after High School in any event. All of the other women that I’ve dated long-term weren’t perfect. They weren’t heavy, but they weren’t rail-thin either. They were what I suppose is considered normal. For what it is worth, their inner beauty shone brighter than their physical beauty. However, they’ve all been height/weight proportionate. And while others have, I’m not about to put “No Fat Chicks” in an ad because that just seems callow at best and downright rude at worst.

I was reading a friend’s blog yesterday and she had recently written about a major contradiction behind the new ad campaign for Dove®, which features images of not so slender women. You’ve seen them at bus stop shelters all over town. She notes that while Dove® is using more normal women in their ad campaign, the contradiction is that Dove® is also playing on women's insecurity about their "jiggly bits." Basically, it is ok to not be a supermodel, but it is not ok to have cellulite-ridden asses. I also noted with some irony that the post previous to that one she was stuffing her face with cotton candy. Basically spun sugar.

So, for my amusement, I reworked the ad seen below and sent it to my friend. I must be off my game. She didn’t sock me in the jaw. Yet.



He gets letters:

"that ad is hilarious! i love it!"

"I’m on myspace with friends a lot (all bored at work, you see) and for the last few months our blogging and posting bids to ‘out-inappropriate’ each other have frequently included the phrase, or pictures pertaining to ‘banana hammocks’. Oh, and the phrases ‘sorry, no fatties’ on all of our bulletins. We’re all crude, horrible perverts (not really, I hope), and we’d like to salute you. Rock on with your bad self. And your banana hammock."