mmmm...Pussy" by Mr. Banana Hammock (not Omari)

Celebrating my 141st post with a not Omari...

While I do like cats and have had cats as pets, I probably prefer dogs. I grew up with dogs. First my Kerry Blue Terrier “Muffin” and later “Douglas,” a Cocker Spaniel. Douglas is more my mother’s pet than mine and she treats the thing like a third child, referring to him as my younger brother, as she sits complaining about the heat with her head stuck in the freezer. I guess that is menopause for you.

Menopause, or as I call it, that thing that has temporarily rendered my mother crazy, is a natural part of a woman's life. Technically it is the stopping of periods or menses. The average age is 52 however menopause can occur in the thirties or sixties. This time in a woman's life can be dramatic or quite simple, it is usually different for every woman but every woman does stop having periods. Some people call it adolescence in reverse - a rocky time with fluctuating hormones and emotions. As menopause progresses, a drop in estrogen can create thinning, tightening, and dryness in the vulva and vagina. These changes can lead to such discomfort that some women come to dread sex because of the pain. Poor mom. And poor dad as well I guess.

Dad can be a bit of a pervert. And I guess like father, like son. I’ve seen him grope mom in public, which I’d think was pretty cute if I wasn’t their kid. Sort of like, aw, he loves her so much he paws at her chest in a grand public display of affection. Now I’m not sure if this “vaginal discomfort” thing is happening to my mom, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask, surprisingly considering with my family everything seems to be fair game for discussion around the dinner table including squeaky beds late at night, folk remedies for preventing miscarriage (don’t ask), masturbation, and also Republican “values.”

And I figure if mom is suffering from vaginal atrophy, Dad, like me, has high speed internet. And if surfing for porn is good enough for me, well then it’s good enough for him.

Ok, you can ask me about the folk remedy for preventing miscarriage, but consider yourself warned.