Why no B-Day Sex was OK by me by Mr. Banana Hammock (not Omari)

More along the lines of my favorite muse, Omari...

Birthday sex. My white whale. I have been in several long term relationships, dated short term, dated casually, and have never had birthday sex. I’ve heard tell of it happening, but it hasn’t happened for me. I’ve given birthday sex, but never received birthday sex. Apparently I’ve stumbled into some sort of “it’s that time of the month” conspiracy whereby the female population of wherever I happen to be at any given moment are synchronizing their biological clocks. I’ve largely accepted this as fact and am more or less resigned to a life without birthday sex. Generally speaking, I wouldn’t turn birthday sex down, although I would probably be suspicious somebody was playing a practical joke on me.

However, last night, I was rather grateful that there was no birthday sex on the horizon for me. I was having a rather fun, albeit beer-soaked, evening in my favorite happy hour watering hole, Angles, with friends. I even briefly met a nice glasses girl and lied about my age. It was a small lie, I’m sure I cannot pass for 24. Even with a bag over my head. But I did smile and wave as she walked down the street (and I think she waved back). Or I had too much to drink and imagined the whole thing. But that is ok, it was my birthday. And since I figured I wasn’t going to be performing, it didn’t matter. And lucky I was.

The air conditioning in my building has given out so no central air. I had been running the air in my apartment with the windows closed out of respect for our scant natural resources. It was at least 100 degrees in the bedroom. And though I had one of those giant bottles of Gatorade Frost, I’m pretty sure last night was not a good night for birthday sex. Perhaps it was because of the combination of heat and humidity and lack of air conditioning. Or, although because, ultimately, we all came from water and we all are water, it’s not always pleasant sharing your water with a total stranger. Does anyone care? I’ll gladly accept rain-checks.



He gets letters:

"I'm a guy and i'd love to be your friend. I'd also love to discreetly suck your cock and lick your balls whenever you need it."