Am I missing something?

Yes. You are missing something. A few marbles.

But WHEN did the beginning-of-June turn into Crazy girl days? Did I miss the memo here or something? Let me explain and you'll see what I mean...

So Girl #1 and I went out a couple of times last week. All seemed to be going extremely well and I could tell that she liked me. I liked her too. Third date. We’re at this nice French restaurant. I turn my left pants pocket inside out. My penis is hanging out of the fly. I say, “Hey, ever seen a one-eared elephant?” And she’s like, “put that thing away.” I never hear from her again. Since I don’t have time for this crap, she’s out. Moving on...

Girl #2 and I had a lunch date yesterday. Yesterday's date went well, no awkwardness at all and all went well. She mentioned to me that over the holidays she went on a bike ride with her friends, one of which I knew. So last night she showed up to a mutual friend's party and was basically hanging out with this one guy. No bid deal right? Wrong. I found out through another friend of mine that the dude she was hanging on was her ex. Also, this was the same guy she went on a bike ride with this weekend. Double whammy. I turn my left pants pocket inside out. My penis is hanging out of the fly. I say, “Hey, ever seen a one-eared elephant?” She gives me this cold stare. Naturally, I'm perplexed as all went well and I’ve been planning our wedding all afternoon. What we’re going to call our kids. How many kids we’re going to have, etc. I think it is mean to cheat on your potential spouse....

So am I missing something here? Do I have my blinders on or something? Are there really, honestly any ladies out there that aren't crazy? Is it the time of year or something? Are people offended by one-eared elephants? I mean I know I'm a pretty easy-going, fun, attractive guy but this shit is too much.



He gets letters:

"Oh my god....Your post was too funny! Let me explain, my girlfriend turned me onto "Craig's List" because she knows that I am addicted to laughter and she knew I would get a big kick out of what men and women post. She was right I am addicted! I never respond to the ads but today I made an exception for I simply loved yours. Thank you for allowing a burst of sunshine into this drab rainy Friday afternoon! Again I have to state your post was hilarious!"

"you're building a great portfolio. i'm starting to see it now."

"For the past few weeks, I look forward to procrastinating with a quick glance at the men seeking women’s, often in hopes of seeing who you ridicule and mock. You always pick the good ones and for that I commend your fine taste. Today’s satire was the best so far. Congratulations. I am still laughing. Luckily, I managed to swallow the coffee I was so innocently sipping on when I came across the one-eared elephant line."